Accused murderer and savvy webhead Philip Markoff tried to hang himself in his cell with shoelaces, so authorities now have him wearing an insane-looking anti-suicide smock called a Ferguson, according to the Daily News.

Pictured here is not Markoff, nor is it the pesky brother on Clarissa Explains It All. It's two "models" from the Ferguson's official website. It's weird these models don't get more work! They are really selling the look. "Show me 'I sure wish I could kill myself but this smock is impossible to rip into strangle-friendly strips'! Perfect." That's probably what noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker said on that shoot. (I am not 100% sure he took this photograph.)

Here's another photo from the Ferguson's website, which says that its products are "specifically designed to keep problem inmates from hurting themselves and creating more headaches for you and your colleagues." Hahaha when inmates kill themselves it's such a headache! Take two of these and call me in the morning if anybody for whose life you are responsible kills themselves.

Aw, he looks all tuckered out from creating headaches for you and your colleagues. Happy Sunday, guys! I am really starting things off on a positive note because it's so nice out and I'm indoors.

[The 'Craigslist Murder' of Julissa Brisman]
[Ferguson Safety Products]