In a groveling open letter, Gov. Mark Sanford calls his whole affair his "funeral," negating all the warm fuzzies his sultry Argentinian shoved-under-the-rug soulmate felt from his love letters. Those flames of love burn, baby, burn.

We'd hate to be Maria Belen Chapur about now. Her heart once swelled with pure angel-kissed amor for the *ahem* handsome American hombre. Theirs was a transcendent love detailed in Mark Sanford's by now widely read lovemails. Now, it's "wrong," a "funeral," a "misfortune," a "failure." Them's the dangers of dating Republican, Maria. They're just not that into you...once they're discovered.

So, Mark Sanford has ditched MBC to lead the righteous life of quoting scripture, fake-smiling next to his wife, and groveling in the mud for public forgiveness.

A few soundbites:

I have struggled with how best to convey my regret in letting so many down, and in that regard I realize this op-ed does not do justice to the process of saying "I am sorry."

...

It is true that I did wrong and failed at the largest of levels, but equally true is the fact that God can make good of our respective wrongs in life. In this vein, while none of us has the chance to attend our own funeral, in many ways I feel like I was at my own in the past weeks, and surprisingly I am thankful for the perspective it has afforded.

...

In this regard I think all that has transpired will be particularly relevant in the way I deal with the legislative body and other state leaders going forward. Micah 6:8 asks us to do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly, and as I begin these steps into the last 18 months of this administration, it will indeed be with a more contrite and humble spirit.

...

Finally it is at your funeral that you in many ways not only can see most clearly the things that really matter in life, but where one gets the best glimpse of who your real friends are – and how much they matter. For that reason, I want to thank so many for their kindnesses and support over the years and for their kindness in this latest chapter in our book together as South Carolinians.

[via WCBD]