Every time we think it'd be smart to rent out our apartment while we're away on vacation, we remember one of the horror stories we've heard. This one involves black sludge, fake tanner, and America's Next Top Model's CariDee English!

A tipster tells us that she put her apartment up on Craigslist and rented it out to English, winner of ANTM's seventh "cycle," and her boyfriend Ryan Bunnell, who was an assistant director on Pretty Wicked an Oxygen reality show that English hosted. When she returned home after two weeks, our source says the place looked like a frat house after the annual "Bongs and Thongs" party.

There was fake orange tan dust all over everything: the pillows, the sheets, the towels, the bathmat, the walls, everywhere. The icing on the cake were the short black hairs all over the entire bathroom, as well as an unidentifiable black sludge and lipstick smeared along walls. Fruit flies formed a thick cloud in the kitchen. Band-Aids stuck to the floor...Both puzzling and sickening.

Our favorite detail though has to do with a busted remote control:

I was shocked...to find a hole in the middle of my living room wall that was made during [their] stay. Coincidentally it's about the same size as the remote control, which is also broken.

See, people, this is why you don't let strangers into your house! And just because you've seen them on television and laughed when Tyra gave them a bad makeover and rooted for them to win out over that skank Melrose in the finale doesn't mean that you actually know them.

In the witty email our tipster sent the tanorexic couple, she excoriates them for betraying the respect for other people's homes that's necessary for the survival of this whole anonymous internet mi casa es su casa approach to renting out one's living space. See, this is what happens when you rent out to a reality show winner. If she had chosen someone who came in like, third place, at least they'd have some humility.

The full letter is below (don't miss the PS!):

Ryan and CariDee,

I was shocked when I returned home yesterday to find a hole in the middle of my living room wall that was made during your stay. Coincidentally it's about the same size as the remote control, which is also broken. For this, I will be keeping your deposit.

Along with that, there was fake orange tan dust all over everything: the pillows, the sheets, the towels, the bathmat, the walls, everywhere. The icing on the cake were the short black hairs all over the entire bathroom, as well as an unidentifiable black sludge and lipstick smeared along walls. Fruit flies formed a thick cloud in the kitchen. Bandaids stuck to the floor, etc. etc. etc. Both puzzling and sickening.

People on Craigslist rent out their homes, not their hotel rooms. It's for mature, respectful people. If you throw things at walls, you are neither. Tanning dust, black sludge, black hairs hairs, and wall holes are for hotel rooms where a maid comes everyday. I've been doing this for five years, and I've never had anyone treat my home this way.

I don't think that you two were intentionally disrespectful—I can see you two tried to wash the sheets—it's probably just how you roll. But if you roll that way, stay in a hotel. Take responsibility for your profoundly tantastic lives.

If I hear about you renting off Craigslist again, I will post my story of the Tanning Dust/Black Sludge Nightmare as a warning to other renters. Actually I just might do that anyway, after I get done cleaning the bathroom, which should take a week. Regardless, no more Craigslist for you two.

[Redacted]

P.S. You left your diarrhea medicine on the floor.

The upset subletter also sent her missive to NY Mag's The Cut, which asked English about the claims. She says they're "extremely false," but didn't get into specifics.