TMZ Finally Given The Porn Parody Treatment
All good things come, ha, to ends. In pop culture, canonizations are routinely bestowed by porn. Meet the comedic genius that's TMSleaze, starring Ron Jeremy as Harvey Levin. Featuring Speidi, Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo, Amy Winehouse, American Idol, Eminem, and LaLohan.
Obviously, you're about to embark into some mildly NSFW territory, though there's no actual "action" in these teaser clips, and the most vulgar thing about these are the language in them. The TMSleaze (website NSFW) tributes are, quite frankly, very well played, maybe with the exception of Tono Romo's jersey reading HOMO, but hey, that's porn for you. Maybe TMSleaze isn't Pulitzer-worthy, but this could at least be considered for a Peabody, or something. It's one of the more intelligent, current satires out there, and yes, it's a porn and mostly alludes to sex. But we should all feel upstaged: they took their position as a specific commodity on a moral battleground, and leveraged it into post-modernism. The porn industry calling TMZ sleazy is, whatever you think of the porn industry, an interesting statement. I await their parody of Gawker Media with baited breath. Do enjoy, and thank you Gawker Video Deity Richard Blakeley for the tip.
Meet Messica Simpleton and Boney Homo. I think the TMSleaze reporters call them the Texas Poboys. There's also an allusion to Terrell Owens, who's not given a name. There's also fried chicken involved.
In our second video, there's Lamey Swinehouse. She's drunk and bouncing a ball on the floor and screaming about fish and chips. The paparazzi decide to leave her to her own device, deciding that "this is just sad."
In clip three, you'll meet Spender and Hiney, from "that show...that bullshit show," and as everyone knows "they've got a sex tape, or they're going to put out a sex tape," or something. Photogs ask Spender and Hiney if they can take shots of them, and Spender asks them if they're going to "be on the cover" (get it, they're not in print?). The photog says "sure," and they allow the TMSleaze paps to snap away. After letting them know that two other "characters" have made a sex tape - LC and Bony - Spender and Hiney decide that they need to make a sex tape, too, there and on the spot. Note TMSleaze's accurate depiction of Spencer Pratt's creepy flesh-colored beard.
"Somewhere in America," shouts Ron Jeremy, "there's a really exciting story. But I doubt if anyone in this room's gonna find it!" This Joseph Campbell-esque insight leads to Slimin' - whose bad faux-British accent is reminiscent of Simon Cowell's - and a studio executive arguing. "Shut up you prattling little ninny, or I will retain your ass as a black man and and shine my Tony Lamas in your rectum." Cut to some woman writhing about a couch, licking Slimin's jeans. This is, presumably, Paula Abdul. Her handler walks in the room, and begins arguing about their differences in pay. Honestly, who is writing these? Maybe we do need to ring up Sig Gissler right fucking now.
Finally, meet Feminem and Linda Blowhand, who is with child. She's under the assumption that Feminem is the father of her child. Feminem is rapping in the studio, and uses the word "illin" in one of his raps. He's with an African American co-worker - possibly his producer, possibly someone resembling Dr. Dre - who lets Feminem know that "illin" is outdated nomenclature. "You keep spittin' that weak, people gonna know you whitebred," he warns him. He gets assaulted by Linda Blowhand, who asks him why he hasn't called. "Are you high? Are you tweakin' right now?" Feminem asks her. "What do you think I am? You think I'm your little diamond oven whore?" she screams back. She then reminds him that the "lady" - presumably a reference to Samantha Ronson - "isn't cuttin' it in the orgasm department." Feminem then inquires if it'd be okay for him to "come in you since you're already pregnant," which upsets her. "Hell no, I don't want fuckin' twins!" she assaults him.