The Way We Live Now: Falling through the safety net. Instead of "doctors," we have EMTs. Instead of "vacations," we have the park. Instead of "new Trapper Keepers," we have your new Trapper Keeper, that we stole. From you.

While the employed "politicians" in Washington DC are talking about the issue of "health care" and whether you should be able to "keep your doctor," the real citizens of Washington DC cannot afford real doctors, so they just call the fire department every time they have heart attacks. The real citizens of Washington DC would not object so much to finding a new doctor.

In New York City, we have Central Park. Go enjoy it. It's free! And it's your vacation this year. Camping allowed if you can evade the Kreepie Kats!

Maybe you could have taken a proper vacation if greedy poors did not fail to stimulate the economy by failing to go out and spend the big buxxx on back to school sales. But they chose to buy "food" instead, and now children will be wandering into their first day of the new school year without any new Nikes or North Face backpacks, not to mention a rampant lack of pencils and any other school supplies they could not rob you for as you slept in your tent in your Central Park staycation.

Now you're stabbed! Somebody call the fire department! As the paramedics haul you to the hospital you can be thankful that at least you'll get a sick day. Your commute, after all, is seven hours long.

We used to think that one kid who always showed up at school with no backpack and just carrying a pencil was mad cool but now we realize he was just poor.