Last night we asked Glee to go steady. It said yes, but told us it's not putting out. That's OK because the episode had more great lines than a Fashion Week after party. Oh, and of course, musical numbers!

And we weren't the only ones to fall in love. About 7 million people tuned in for the show, which is about on par with Fox's biggest season debut from last season, Fringe, and the first episode of CBS' latest procedural jewel, The Mentalist.

Like the mix tapes you made back in high school, it's obvious that the songs in this hour aren't chosen arbitrarily, but are meant to show off the fleshy, angsty heart that lies inside this tortured body. So let's press play and see what our new boyfriend wants to tell us about what's going on inside his soul. It probably has something to do with sex and spilled protein shakes, but we'll love it no matter what.

"Le Freak":
Sure, there are more freaks at McKinley High School than a serial killer's convention, but we think the song has more to do with the lyric, "Aaaawwww, freak out!" There were plenty of freak outs, including the Glee kids getting nervous about performing in front of the school, Will freaking out that he won't get 12 kids and have enough members to compete in regionals, Rachel freaking out and telling the boys of the chastity club that girls want sex too, the boys freaking out at the news, and Sue Sylvester freaking out that Glee kids used the Cheerios copy machine and about their ribald performance, saying that it was the most offensive thing she'd ever seen, "and that includes an elementary school production of Hair." Already a classic.

Our favorite was Emma freaking out when Will puts chalk dust on her nose. Yes, the neatnik has a major jones on for Will. In fact, she loves him so much that she was willing to let him sully her face with chalk dust. The two seconds she spent dirty, you could see her in anguish, both waiting for his kiss and waiting for him to wipe it off. He only did one, and that caused her biggest freak out yet.

"Gold Digger":
This was blatantly a reference to Will's wife Terri. Too bad she's digging for gold in a barren mine. She wants a new house and a lush life for herself and the family, but is only willing to work 4 shifts a week at Sheets and Things. How long before she ends up playing beard for that pot-selling former music teacher? He seems to be the only one rolling in the dough.

Ken is also looking to improve his station by romancing Emma. He's not trying to cash in, but the lonely guy just wants a lady to love him (and not just until the "sex fizzles out"). His heart may be in the right place, but his scheming makes him more like the female in the song than an upstanding man worthy of Emma.

A less conspicuous gold differ is Principal Figgins, who gets a glimpse of the talent behind the Glee Club and decides to give them some money for new uniforms. Is this just a sign of romance to come?

"Push It":
We love sad, misunderstood Rachel, but she is always pushing her own agenda. She's using the literal dirty message of this song to push everyone into liking Glee. At the beginning of the hour, she tells rival Quinn that her stock is going up every day, thanks to the club. It's a great delusion, but she might be able to make it true. Too bad Will has a freak out and puts her in a place after the horny number she puts on stage.

Rachel is just like Terri, who also is so selfish that she can only see what's best for her, and controls Will with backhanded methods just as badly as Rachel does. Just wait until he finds out about Terri's secret.

Quinn is also trying to control a man when she joins Glee, After all the popular cheerleader is already a miniature Sue Sylvester ("without her bone structure"). She might have ended up with Finn at the end of the episode, but she's going to need to continue pushing herself into his new life if she wants to keep the football captain happy.

"Say A Little Prayer For You":
This song really has little to do with Quinn's bid to get into Glee and more about Terri's pregnancy, which she has literally prayed into existence. Who knew that we'd have to watch Glee to get a good old-fashioned Melrose Place gem like the hysterical pregnancy. Too bad Terri's going to keep throwing that Hail Mary instead of fessing up that she's not pregnant.

Poor Finn is only praying to be able to grind with a girl without "erupting." His "imagine running over the mailman" technique seems to be working wonders. We'd employ it ourselves if it wouldn't make us think about Finn, who is dreamy beyond words.

But really this whole episode was about longing for things that you can't have because of either prior commitments or social constraints. Do you think Will and Emma and Rachel and Finn wouldn't get together if it weren't for that pesky wife and that Finn would be a total outcast if he started dating dorky Rachel? Probably not. But then we wouldn't have a show, people!

"Take A Bow":
This song seems like it is about a girl calling out her man for cheating, but it's really about putting on a brave face after a crushing disappointment. In this instance, it's quite literal for Rachel, who thinks that Finn doesn't want to be with her because she's an outcast. It's really much more complicated and sloppy than that, but then isn't high school sex always complicated and sloppy.

Also, poor, poor Emma who lets Ken delude her into thinking she can't do better than him. She knows that Will won't be leaving his wife anytime soon, and instead of pining away, she has decided to raise her chin and lower her standards and to go the Tulipallooza with Ken. Our heart breaks for both these ladies.

But the lady who we love is Sue motherfucking Sylvester! As played by Jane Lynch, the character is like a female Stephen Colbert—the character on his nightly broadcast, not the actor who plays him. She is the biggest fish in the smallest and most inconsequential of ponds and she isn't just going to eat all the guppies, but she is going to make them bow before her first. We would like to think it's all an act, but unfettered ego is so much more fun to watch.