Rumors! They swirl. And one of them recently hit the ground running: that Casey Wilson was fired from Saturday Night Live for being fat. Strange: Wilson's not that fat. Also, some of SNL's best have been overweight. So, Wilson speaks:

I had an amazing time on SNL, and these rumors are completely untrue," Wilson, 28, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. "And to clarify, the issue isn't that I'm too fat, it's that I'm too phat. Can I get a WHAT-WHAT!"

Ah. Maybe that's why she was fired: for being patently unfunny. I deign to use the "Shut Up, Nilla" tag two posts in a row, but the occasion calls for it. As a reminder, this is when Saturday Night Live was fat: