Richard Heene, manufacturer of hoaxes and believer in reptilian humanoids, graced Larry King Live with his presence tonight for an ~*~EXCLUSIVE~*~ interview. How did Heene fare when faced with hard-hitting questions from Lar Bear? Well, he cried—a lot.

Because a full hour of Heene is far too much for anyone (except us, apparently) to have to endure, we've decided to extract the best moments from tonight's show for you and present them below.

So, without any further ado, we now present The King and I Starring Richard Heene.

The Heavy Opening: Deportation, the Non-hoax, the Non-balloon and Heene's Tears

The first 10 minutes of tonight's show were jam-packed, but we managed to whittle it all down to the two-and-a-half minute clip below. In it, Heene talks about why he pleaded guilty, why that doesn't mean he actually was guilty, why he thought wife Mayumi would have been deported had he pleaded guilty even though nobody ever said that, and why you shouldn't call the damn thing a balloon. He also cries.

"You Guys Said That We Did This for the Show," Explained... Kinda

Here, King replays the infamous interview that the Heene family did with Wolf Blitzer (sigh) on Larry King Live just hours after Falcon was not in the balloon. King asks Heene to explain what Falcon meant, and Heene offers the two worst excuses ever. King then asks Heene—again—why he pleaded guilty if he hadn't done anything wrong, only this time it's a bit more forceful.

The Best Home Video You'll EVER See

In a word, this is glorious. Here, King plays a Heene home video, taken right at the moment of the balloon's flight. It plays like a horrendously low budget amateur film—so bad that it's good—and shows the family's "panic" after realizing that Falcon was "in the balloon." When King asks him to explain son Bradford's assertions that Falcon had taken off in the vessel, when the video clearly shows that he hadn't, Heene gets confused and then blames it all on his son.

The 911 Call and Cry Number Two

Watch as Heene cries while listening to a 911 call of him crying. Seriously.

"It's Not a Balloon!"

King keeps wanting to call it a balloon. Heene doesn't like that.

The Chase That Never Was and Cry Number Three

Here, King asks Heene a perfectly fair question: if you're a storm chaser, why didn't you chase after the balloon when you thought your son was inside? Heene breaks down—again—while responding.

One Final Mention of "Balloon"

We leave you with King and Heene as they stand before a replica of the famous vessel, the name of which is again debated. Pay attention to King's final word.

[Larry King Live]