The National Enquirer—which is always right about everything—says John Edwards "recently" went on a "sex-and-booze bender". But in a sign of how far he's fallen, Edwards couldn't even seal the deal with a young, blond bartender.

According to the Enquirer, after a "marriage-ending" fight with his cancer-stricken wife, Edwards fled to the couple's vacation home on Figure Eight Island and proceeded to go all SPRING BREAK 2010!!!:

In a bombshell exclusive interview with The ENQUIRER, bartender Stephanie Breshears revealed that Edwards repeatedly tried to get her to go back to his house for sex. The 34-year-old divorced mother-of-two said Edwards hit on her "for four consecutive nights" at the local Kornerstone Bistro, where she works.

"I think he's scum," Stephanie told The ENQUIRER. "He was definitely looking to pick up women when he came in here - and he wanted me to go back to his house."

Translation: John Edwards didn't get none.