Convicted killer, escape artist and reputed cocksman Richard Matt got shot three times in the head Friday, but cops say he probably went out feeling no pain (they think he was wasted.)

The National Enquirer—which is always right about everything—says John Edwards "recently" went on a "sex-and-booze bender". But in a sign of how far he's fallen, Edwards couldn't even seal the deal with a young, blond bartender.