Porn Parodies We Never, Ever Want to See
First we heard Hustler is making an Avatar porn. Ew. Then we get a release (ha!) saying the people who are making Jersey Whores are also making Not The Hangover. Is nothing sacred anymore? We've got to draw the line!
They have already made everything from The Munsters to The Cosby Show and even our beloved 30 Rock into silly smutty simulacra. This trend that is plaguing the adult community has got to stop. It's understandable that gents want to spend their hard-earned (ha!) money on a known commodity, and that a little bit of kitsch along with your coochie can be fun, but this is getting out of hairy hand.
Just look at the Avatar porn. Does anyone really want to see those gangly, 10-foot creatures having sex, especially since Hustler can't afford to make it look as pretty as Cameron did? Will probably end up with some 19-year-old girls and Ron Jeremy covered in blue paint. We'd rather watch Papa Smurf fuck a bus full of nuns than that (which it will probably look like anyway).
Here is our list of porn titles we never want to see.
The Rosie O'Donnell Peep Show
Tagline: See your favorite lesbian comedian do arts and crafts before heading downtown for some girl-on-girl action!
Why It's Bad: We think that Rosie is a funny lady (sometimes) but seeing her naked and all up in some woman parts wouldn't make us laugh, it would make us blind.
The Golden Girls' Golden Shower
Tagline: These ladies may be all dried up, but that doesn't mean they don't want to get wet.
Why It's Bad: The Golden Girls was my grandmother's favorite show. There is nothing you want to think of less during "gentleman's time" than your grandmother.
A Weekend On Bernie
Tagline: You've never seen a stiff like this before.
Why It's Bad: Just jokes about necrophilia gross me out a bit.
The Dark Crystal XXX
Tagline: Let these muppets pull your strings.
Why It's Bad: The image of an elf-like Gelflings getting reamed by a walking vulture erSkek is just about enough to ruin the few happy memories I had of my childhood.
Not Nickelodeon's Family Double Dare
Tagline: Nothing beats getting dirty during a physical challenge.
Why It's Bad: The only thing worse than naked people writing around in tubs of whipped cream and slime is doing it with their parents. We hate to think about what they made the goo out of in the first place.
Puddles of Glee
Tagline: Watch these teenagers perform with a song in their hearts and a ______ in their _______.
Why It's Bad: We love a good musical number, but nothing kills wood like jazz hands.
Inside the U.S. Senate
Tagline: This session we've got something fillibuster and we're ramming a bill through congress.
Why It's Bad: Seriously, have you seen the people in the Senate? The good news is that seeing a porn movie during the inevitable investigation might give Orrin Hatch or one of those other really old conservative Republicans a heart attack. The road back to the supermajority starts with porn!
