The Revel Hotel and Casino—better known as the Jersey Shore's last, desperate attempt to hide its stale cigarette smell with a spritz of cloying eau de toilette—lost big today. The still-shiny-and-new $2.5 billion property plans to shut down next month, confirming once and for all that the Atlantic City dream is dead.

A huge fire ripped through the Jersey Shore boardwalk Thursday night, destroying dozens of businesses along a four-block stretch in Seaside Park and Seaside Heights, two of the areas devastated during last year's Hurricane Sandy.

Police in New Jersey today arrested a man who surreptitiously climbed Seaside Heights' submerged Jet Star Roller Coaster, and planted an American flag at the top.

And now it's dead...almost. Last night's episode of Jersey Shore found the show's guido/guidette family packing up and moving out of Seaside Heights, NJ, for good. The girls cried, Vinny got an itchy eye and the entire goodbye scene was full of euphemism, as many acknowledged how the show changed their lives without specifically being able to say that. Insert Snooki "Waaaaah!"

The cast members of Jersey Shore are putting aside their hair products and spray-on tan to give something back to the town that gave them everything.

Snooki and her trusty gang are lending their spray tanned hands to help out New Jersey in the aftermath of this week's storm. Snooki tweeted this morning, "Cleaning my closet today to donate clothes and whatever I can do the victims affected by sandy! I'm comin with clothes!!!!"

Jersey Shore returned for its sixth and final season last night, and ugh, Jersey Shore is on TV again. I haven't kept up regularly since three quarters of the way through Season 2, but it seems like they're still fighting about the same stuff they were fighting about two seasons ago, if last night's flashback reel was an indication. Mike vs. Snooki. Sam vs. Ronnie. JWoww vs. nature. Pauly and Vinnie not vs. the inherent homoeroticism of their relationship. They're still embracing it.

It's unclear just how much money changed claws before Snooki and her baby-daddy Jionni LaValle "opened their home" to People magazine (some estimate a cool $250 grand), but the tabloid was ultimately granted exclusive access to the newest member of Casa d'Meatball, Lorenzo Dominic.

The upcoming sixth season of MTV's flagship reality series Jersey Shore will (mercifully) be its last.

Reality star Snooki has given birth to her first son, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle. He emerged squalling, orange, and hounded by MTV cameras.

Snooki is having a boy. But she "thought it was going to be a girl." With three months until B-Day, she and Jionni LaValle are torn between two names: Lorenzo or Jionni Jr. We personally think she should just name him Pizza.

The second Jersey Shore spin-off, Snooki & JWoww is set to premiere Thursday, June 21 on MTV. It doesn't look as miserable as The Pauly D Project, so that deserves at least a faint, "Yeah, buddy!" But you know, fuck these people and the dead horse they rode in on. I'd recommend sending them to another planet to save us all time, but Jersey City seems like an adequate alternative.

Last night, MTV premiered The Pauly D Project, but it was more of a chore than a project. A spin-off documenting the jet-setting life of the most likeable Jersey Shore cast member (not that that's saying much) and his band of disciples, Project has all the charisma and excitement of belly button lint acting out Entourage.

Not even a baby meatball can stop the sixth season of Jersey Shore. MTV reports that MTV will renew the series for another summer in Seaside Heights, and Snooki—now more than three months pregnant and engaged to boyfriend Jionni LaValle—will remain on the show.

During the greatest sociological experiment of our time, we've seen our eight subjects in their natural habitat in New Jersey, in their adopted homes of Miami and Florence, but never have we seen them actually interact with, you know, nature. There is a reason for that.

The long national nightmare of wondering whether or not Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is, in fact, with child, is finally over: The Jersey Shore star saved the announcement for an Us Weekly cover. She's 15 weeks into her pregnancy, and she's engaged to her boyfriend, Jionni LaValle.

SitchNews, Mike Sorrentino's new gossip site, looks, uh, familiar. The site officially launched on February 20th with the introductory message:

Just like a Us Weekly cover story in super fast motion, Snooki is not only pregnant but she is also engaged. It's all the life milestones at once! Then why is she being so cagey about it?

Something serious and sad is threatening the greatest sociological experiment of our time: couples. Yes, it seems like everyone is paired up and Snooki is even expecting Jersey Shore's first virgin birth. Haha. Just kidding. Snooki's no virgin. And Situation got Vinny pregnant when he touched the smush bed anyway. That was the first.

Snookie is possibly with child. After denying rumors started about a month ago, sources are reporting that she and boyfriend Jionni LaValle are indeed expecting a baby guiditto of their own.