Everyone quit yer worrying about Bill Clinton: He's fine. His cardiologist, Dr. Alan Schwartz, just held a press conference where we learned Clinton will be headed home tomorrow.

To sum up:

  • Clinton had discomfort in his chest
  • He did not have a heart attack
  • Picture showed that one of the grafts from his 2004 bypass was blocked.
  • Two stents were placed in his heart, in a procedure that lasted about an hour.
  • He will go home tomorrow.
  • His life was never in jeopardy.
  • This was not a result of his diet or lifestyle.
  • The doc told him he could go back to his office on Monday and continue to save Haiti.

Bars, you may commence your "Bill Clinton is Alive" $2 draft beer specials.