Stupid Valentine's Day. Every year you end up alone, crying salty tears into your can of Chef Lonelyheart's soup for one. Don't fret! Because you can find solace in these movies where love just leads to misery/death/having Satan's baby.

Closer: Your partner will cheat on you

Being in a relationship just leads to cheating. Emotions so strong towards someone can end up turning into spouting words of venom. "I love you" becomes "how could you." Here Julia Roberts admits to cheating on Clive Owen while he was on a business trip. He demands answers, and unfortunately he gets them.

Happiness: If you love someone, they won't love you back.

Jane Adams breaks up with the unbelievably sad Jon Lovitz in the opening scene admitting that she just doesn't have feelings for him. Jon Lovitz responds with the immortal line: "Well I'm champagne, and you're shit." He later kills himself.

Husbands and Wives: If you leave someone, they will find someone better.

In this Woody Allen movie about, ahem, husbands and wives, Sydney Pollack returns to his his ex only to find that she (Judy Davis) is sleeping with a new man (Liam Neeson). Even the most romantic person will be jaded by the emotions of rage, jealousy, and cheating in this movie.

Kramer vs Kramer: Children will just complicate things

Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep warn anyone thinking bringing children into a loveless marriage is a terrible idea.

Rosemary's Baby: You will give birth to Satan's love-child

Speaking of children, it's hard to see the benefits of bringing a bundle of joy into this world when it's possible that the devil himself (or your future ex-husband) may have impregnated you.

Sid and Nancy: Finding something in common means nothing

Especially if that common interest is doing heroin. Drugs and love are always a good idea at first until you end up beating your lover with blunt objects because you can't find your next fix.

Secretary: Office romances never work

Think that guy in accounts receivable is cute? Well he's probably a closet freak and instead of getting flowers and chocolate next Valentine's Day, you'll probably get a ball-gag and alligator clamps for your nipples.

Sex Lies and Videotape: What you don't know will hurt you

Your new lover is absolutely wild in the bedroom, and you wonder how anyone can be having as good a time bumpin' uglies as the two of you. He's just perfect! Until you discover he has a catalog of home movies with every person he's ever slept with, and the sex was just as good with them,a nd the number of women he's been with is astronomical. And those videos are probably going to end up on x-tube.

The Squid and the Whale: Your children and ex will both hate you.

Not only do you have to deal with your ex-husband or wife after a divorce, but your children will end up turning on you as well.