You’ve found your pillow partner. Your forever friend. The person you want to share a Hyundai with for the rest of your life. Why not make the ceremony that joins you in an unbreakable flesh bond somewhat memorable and good?

This week, Pope Francis said “the great majority” of modern Catholic marriages were religiously invalid due to an insufficient understanding of commitment, successfully making mad dudes very mad.

Bill O’Reilly’s legal battle against his ex-wife Maureen McPhilmy appeared to be over earlier this year when a panel of three appellate justices unanimously granted McPhilmy residential custody of the ex-couple’s two children. According to court documents filed late last month, however, O’Reilly intends to sue McPhilmy for $10 million on charges of misleading him about the terms of their separation agreement. In the same papers, the Fox News host accuses McPhilmy of using the proceeds of their separation to underwrite an affair with another man. And he wants the entire lawsuit to proceed in secret.

Couples, gay and straight, can get married anywhere in the country now—anywhere, that is, except Pike County, Alabama, where one judge was apparently so perturbed by the landmark Supreme Court ruling that he pulled the plug on weddings all together .

A roaring fire was set off by a house explosion in Aravada, Colo. early this morning. When firefighters arrived at the scene, they found the message "MY WIFE IS A CHEATER" spray painted on the side of the house.

"I got engaged over Christmas. I am really unhappy, though. This will sound shallow but I am pissed the ring is so much smaller than I imagined." The struggle is real.

A Keystone Heights, Fla. couple turned themselves in to Clay County police earlier this week after allegedly forging documents to live in their $1.4 million, 7,000-square foot "home." The couple's ruse was exposed when the home's new, actual owners discovered people were already living in their house.

Marvin Tramaine Hill II was arrested by Des Moines police yesterday after allegedly hitting his pregnant wife with a McDonald's McChicken sandwich "because he doesn't like them."

According to Page Six, Scarlett Johansson is a married woman for the second time. The actress got hitched to French journalist Romain Dauriac shortly after the birth of their daughter in September. But was the ceremony in some gorgeous chateau in the groom's home country?

Dean is inconsolable because he's only 6, and he'll only be 7, which makes it—hold on, doing some quick math here—approximately 800 billion weeks before he can finally get married. That's forever! That's at least a thousand million days!

A teacher at Renaissance Charter High School for Innovation in East Harlem, apparently bored out of his mind at a staff-wide "town hall" meeting last week, jokingly texted his wife, "Call in a bomb threat"—so she did, missing her husband's second text with the most essential bit of info: "Haha." Come on, man.

For the first time since the government began tracking this almost 30 years ago, the majority of American adults are single. That's probably for the best.

In 2012, an enterprising young Gizmodo blogger published the story of Shiva Ayyadurai, an MIT lecturer and renowned liar who pretends he invented email. Today, he adds another achievement to the resume, marrying Fran Drescher. Fran, you fucked up!

Actor Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka were married in Italy on Saturday—they've been together more than 10 years, and engaged since 2006. NPH first made the engagement public in 2011, while celebrating New York's Marriage Equality Act.

Alex Lanchester met Tucker Blandford studying abroad at the University of Connecticut in 2012. She cleaned the campus theater, he was a set painter. They fell in love. After dating for a year, the two decided to get married in Lanchester's native Britain. But their big day was called off months before after the bride-to-be learned her betrothed attempted to fake his own death to avoid marrying her.

A common refrain among today's fallen youth: "I have turned my back on His grace and fallen into temptation by cleaving the flesh of so many hotties. Shall I ever be wed?" Take heart, young heathens—despite your history of harlotry, you too can find an unhappy marriage.

Jonathan Saenz, an evil man known for stuff like claiming same-sex marriage leads to polygamy and "standing strong" with the Boy Scouts of America against admitting gay people, divorced his wife in 2011. She left him, it turns out, because she was in love with a woman.

"I think one experiment with [casual] sex is fine. Just like trying cocaine once is fine. More than that is hedonistic and gross in my opinion." The upscale readers of UrbanBaby.com discuss the perfect number of sex partners before marriage.

Staff Sgt. Tracy Dice Johnson, a National Guard soldier whose wife, Staff Sgt. Donna Johnson, was killed in Afghanistan in 2012, has learned that she will receive survivor benefits from the VA, the first same-sex spouse to be afforded that privilege.

When we last left New York Post writer Stephanie Smith, she was toiling to meet her boyfriend's demand for tribute in the form of 300 sandwiches, with a promise of engagement at the end of her Herculean labors. But lo, the merciful and studly king has granted her an early release for good behavior, proposing to her after a mere 257 sandwiches.