This marvel of musical mayhem wants you to think that its first episode this year is about rebirth and reintroduction, but it's really about letting the heart heal after saying goodbye. And what a salve it is!

It was so great to see the kids from McKinley High and their misguided minders last night, and apparently all of America thought so, since this episode clocked the show's highest ratings yet. Of course the writers picked up on our desire to get right back into the soapy storyline and commence with the living happily ever after now that couples Finn and Rachel and Will and Emma can be together, evil Sue Motherfucking Sylvester was cooling her track suits at her condo in Boca, and the trophy from sectionals was burnished in the case in the school's front hallway. Just as Rachel, babygay Kurt, and Mercedes were strutting their stuff and basking in their imaginary limelight they were awakened by a cold purple Slushie right to the face. So much has changed, but there will be no happy endings on Glee. Instead we get a whole bunch of sad beginnings, ones scored to music. Let's take a look at the tunes' hidden meanings.

"Hello, I Love You": Oh, this Doors song is such an ironic selection. It's seemingly about a man who sees a temptress and falls in love with her, but for Finn it's about distancing himself from the choices he made and being re-seduced by his old girlfriend. He went from being fooled by Quinn into thinking he's the father of her baby to being humiliated by Rachel's blind devotion to him and her creepy cat relationship calendars. At the start of his new relationship, he should be singing this to Rachel, but instead he's singing it to Quinn as she parades her pregnant belly in front of him down the hallway. When channeling his inner rock star is when Finn realizes it's time to take a break from Rachel (remember the success Ross on Friends had with this very strategy?) and get his head straight.

And poor Quinn is having a rough go of it with Puck. Though they seemed to be nice and cozy in rehearsal together, she's still dragging him off of other girls and trying to keep him faithful. After years with the dogged puppydogism of the well-behaved Finn, is Quinn really going to want to make the switch to such a hound dog as Puck? God, that is way too many pooch references in one sentence.

Will has got the scent for Emma now that he's kicked Terri and her fake belly out of the house, but it's going to be a tougher road to happiness than he original anticipated. Not only does he have to work around her crazy cleanliness issues, but there is the little issue that she has never gotten dirty before in her life. Yes, Emma is a virgin. That makes sense, because sex is sloppy. There is sweat and juices and smeared lipstick and scratching and pounding and torn garments and bruises from the handcuffs and bite marks in places that you can't even see without a hand mirror. How can a lady who can't even eat a sandwich without seventeen Silkwood showers cope with all of that?

"Gives You Hell": How appropriate that this song is by the All American Rejects, because it tells the story of the rejected and how they hope the person causing them pain will one day realize the error of their ways. Of course this is the song that Rachel wants to sing to Finn once he told her that he needs some time alone. The funny thing about Rachel is that she knows that she is no prize. She's a little bit crazy and a lot bit needy. She has an ego that needs to be stroked and an agenda that needs to be filled. But still she really knows Finn. It's like he's the one person that this narcissistic diva has bothered to get to know and now he's turning on her. But Rachel's problem will never be getting someone to love her, it will being able to find someone who can love her in spite of herself, and that is no easy order.

But the Glee kids are singing this song to Rachel as well. When she chooses to love an adversary over sticking to the group (more on this in a bit), they tell her that if she betrays them, that they will kick her out of the group or destroy the club. They will give her holy hell. They know Rachel will not abide this because, more than someone who understands and tolerates her, she needs an outlet for glory.

Talking about giving hell, Sue Motherfucking Sylvester was in rare form last night. After slipping Principal Figgins a mickey and getting him in a compromising position, she was back in charge of the Cheerios and "gorged with venom" to destroy Will Schuester. So far her plan seems to involve knocking Rachel out of the club by emotionally crippling her (an easy target, since she's always half way to full psychotic break) and making lots of jokes about Will's hair. Like fart jokes or fat people falling down, these are always funny.

Speaking of hell and scorned women, Terri is back and she's gunning for Emma. The brilliant thing about bitchy Terri is that she knows just what buttons too push, but never goes overboard so that she can be discounted as crazy and evil. She simply sets her scheme in motion and gets the job done. After fully insulting Emma and bringing all her insecurities about being with Will to the fore, she flicks a perfectly-placed fork in Emma's tablescape out of it's appointed location. That's all she had to do to make Emma crumble. Terri is not a roundhouse, she is a series of perfectly placed light jabs. She might not knock her opponent out, but she will fracture their fucking skull. Oh, I missed this bitch and we got just enough of her last night.

"Hello": The only thing better than a blind lady sculpting a clay statue of Lionel Richie's Jheri Curls was this introduction for Broadway baby Jonathan Groff (he costarred with Lea Michelle in Spring Awakening) as Jesse St. James, the talented senior and lead singer of rival group Vocal Adrenaline. First of all, that voice! Second of all, dreamy. Mr. Groff makes us forget everything bad we want to say about his character because we're busy dreaming of him serving us blueberry pancakes and bellinis in a sun-dappled bed in a Victorian mansion somewhere in the Berkshires and then, once we're full of carbs and a little booze having a sheet-ripping bout of lovemaking that would put Emma in a straight jacket. Oh Johnny Boy.

But Jesse St. James is just the boy that Rachel really wants. She may love lunky jock Finn, but she wants someone who is talented, motivated, on his way to fame, and will take her along for the ride. And his negative/positive tease in the music store was just the way to land her by simultaneously pointing out her flawed "Don't Rain on My Parade" (I think the fans of the show would disagree) but saying she had talent. And so far, he has been very, very tolerant. After Finn, Rachel needed a serious boost in the self-esteem department and she got it in spades.

Finn, on the other hand, was saying hello to Brittany and Santana, who Sue MF Sylvester sent to seduce him in order to destroy Rachel. Little did she know that her minion's time was being wasted because Finn fucked her up plenty on his own. It's this little interlude with ungrateful girls that shows Finn that maybe he is ready for Rachel after all.

And it's a good thing that Brittany and Santana aren't responsible for Rachel's ruin, because they are pretty lousy in the seduction department. What exactly is the deal with these two anyway? They're like Tweedle-Bitch and Tweedle-Dumb and they are a perfect pair. Are they lesbians? That would be totally awesome. After all, they say that a date with them entails getting a boy to buy them dinner and then making out in front of him. They kind of get the best of both worlds, all the creature comforts and still hooking up with each other. And Brittany continues to steal ever scene she's in. "Do you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?" If this girl doesn't get her own episode, I don't know what I'll do.

"Highway to Hell": Of course everyone starts off their relationships with good intentions, but we all know what the Highway to Hell is paved with. In this AC/DC anthem, going to hell is a good thing, and while it's fun to watch some scheming and deviousness, it's not going to end well for our favorite characters.

Most obviously on her way to some serious torture is Rachel. Jesse St. James seems too good to be true, and that whole whole scene in the auditorium where she confesses that she is a needy horrible drama queen and he accepts her anyway is right out of a John Hughes movie. They should be sitting on a dining room table kissing over the candles in a cake, but mid-embrace he opens his eyes and stares into the approving gaze of his coach. He isn't in this for Rachel, he's in this to win another trophy at regionals. Of course Rachel is putting it all on the line for him. She told New Directions she broke up with the boy because of the conflict of interest, but she's still seeing him secretly. When they find out they're going to be pissed. Rachel likes a secret relationship better anyway. As soon as things with Finn went public, she ruined it with smothering. Keeping their shenanigans in the closet means more drama, more intrigue, and more fuel for the selfish engine in Rachel Berry's soul. It also makes it easier for Jesse to get the goods out of her without the rest of her friends finding out. Oh, what a perfect plan.

It was no doubt inspired by Shelby Corcoran (played by Broadway vet Idina Menzel with a lot of charm and just a touch of menace) the coach of Vocal Adrenaline who has a name like the world's most Satanic middle manager. When Will goes to talk to her about the relationship between their star singers, they end up back at Will's making out. But Shelby seems to honestly enjoy it, sharing that she doesn't have time for a personal life because she spends all her time on Vocal Adrenaline. When she finds out that Will just broke up with his wife and is already dating someone, she can smell the Rebound Brand Energy Drink that he is brewing, and knows that it is going to spoil. She gives him her number and says to call her when he has everything straitened out. You know she is going to be trouble, but the kind of trouble that is tinged with fun, the kind of trouble Will can't resist.

"Hello, Goodbye": This is one of my least favorite Beatles songs, but it worked well in the episode, which was really about having to say goodbye before saying hello. Rachel said hello to Finn and he said goodbye to her and hello to being a himbo. Then he said hello to her again and she said goodbye to Finn and hello to Jesse. But Finn promised her that he is going to work to get her back and say hello all over again. That's really sweet and it will be nice to see golden boy Finn have to work for something for a change. Let's just hope that he doesn't get bored on the way to Rachel-town.

Will and Emma said hello, but then Will said hello to Shelby as well. Terri came and not so much as said hello to Emma, but kind of pounded on her head like she was the police and Emma was a door with drug dealers hiding on the other side. That made Emma say goodbye to Will and he said hello to saying goodbye. They both knew he wasn't over Terri and they needed time to get it right. Emma was right in that Will was just trading Terri's crazy for her crazy, but what Emma may not realize is that she loves playing the martyr. She likes it when she has to make a sacrifice. She can't go out in public cause it's dirty, she can't have Will because he is married, she marries Coach Tanaka even though she doesn't want to, she says no to Will because he's not ready. Really, it's Emma who's not ready. She's not ready for a relationship where she isn't being dumped on. She hates herself and her condition and the way it manifests itself is by engaging in relationships where she will be the benevolent loser. Emma really needs to say hello to a shrink.

But the biggest hello and goodbye of all is still Rachel with the Glee club. She's in, she's out, she's in, she's out, she's in to save the day, she's out to get it on with a boy. Now she's in nominally, but she's really out by lying to everyone. Rachel's biggest problem has always been putting the needs of the group before her own needs. It was a lesson we finally thought she was learning, until she had to take this chance on "true love" that's going to fuck it up for the whole team. Rachel, you really need to say goodbye to your own narcissistic longings before you can say hello to having healthy friendships.