Two people were trapped upside down, fifty feet in the air, for twenty minutes when one of their ponchos got tangled in the tracks of the steepest roller coaster in the world. This story contains a smorgasboard of phobias.

Great Britain's Flamingo Land amusement park is home to a harrowing death trap known as Mumbo Jumbo, which park officials say is the steepest roller coaster in the world, boasting "forces in excess of 4G's—similar to those faced by fighter pilots," The Daily Mail reports. What is wrong with the human psyche that we need to subject ourselves to near-death experiences to have fun? Entire swathes of our civilization—human energy, resources, capital!—have been dedicated to the multi-billion-dollar industry of making people feel like their guts are going to fly out of their mouths. Because it is fun.

Moral of the story: Do not wear a poncho on a roller coaster. Nor a cape, nor a toga, nor ball gown. Probably not a scarf. Definitely not a noose. Near-death experiences are only fun insofar as they do not actually include death. [DailyMail]