Lionsgate Entertainment Corp. has confirmed it: AVATRON Park will bring “to the great state of Georgia and American audiences everywhere” theme park attractions based upon a dystopian future in which children are forced to kill each other for an annual television special.

Opal Covey, a woman who identifies as a prophetess, is currently running for the mayor of Toledo, Ohio, for the fifth time. She also identifies as a miracle worker—a political Annie Sullivan, if you will—and her platforms include ridding the city of potholes and building amusement parks. “That will bring great wealth,” she recently told NBC24 on the latter.

Our nation’s scaredy-cats had their childhood fears validated this weekend when a kids’ ride at a Kentucky amusement park toppled over, injuring at least 12 and trapping several riders, the Associated Press reports.

The world's tallest roller coaster, The Skyscraper, is scheduled to open at Orlando's Skyplex in 2017, and it looks like it'll be a tower of goddamn terror. The coaster's track will wrap around a 535-foot-tall monolith, twisting riders through a downward spiral for four minutes with "no downtime."

The Skyhawk ride at Ohio's Cedar Point amusement park was responsible for injuring two patrons on Saturday after a cable snapped and then came into contact with the two guests, ABC5 in Cleveland reports.

In an effort to boost tourism, Abbottabad, the Pakistani city where Osama Bin Laden was killed, is building an amusement park. There will be all sorts of fun activities, including a zoo, a paragliding club, a rock climbing wall, water sports, and even mini-golf. But will there be a Zero Dark Thirty ride or anything else related to the city's one-time most famous resident? Alas, no.

As if you needed another reason not to visit an amusement park called Knott's Berry Farms, there's this: twenty visitors were stranded atop Knott's Berry Farm's 300-foot tall attraction, The Windseeker, for almost four hours Wednesday afternoon. This is the second time this month the ride has malfuntioned, so maybe close it or stop riding it?

Some people were born to sing; others were born to act. Peter Drakos was born to win stuffed animals at amusement parks.

Meet Shalanon Brooks, the kind of functionally retarded person you encounter frequently in Southern California. Shalanon is the owner of a Pomeranian whom she named "Malibu." (See first sentence.) She didn't just buy Malibu, but was actually prescribed Malibu for "emotional support." (See first sentence again.) Shalanon went to spend a day riding roller coasters at Six Flags Magic Mountain, but when she realized the strap of her Louis Vuitton dog carrying-case had broken, she opted to leave Malibu in her car with the windows cracked open and some water and food. (See— Enh. You know the drill by now.)

I don't want this to be the summer of sex scandals like Anthony Weiner and DSK. No, I want this to be the summer of the strange squalor of abandoned amusement parks. Here's footage from a doozy in Wichita, Kansas.

Kentucky's Democratic Gov. Steve Beshear breathlessly announced today that he has secured a deal with Ark Encounter LLC to build an awesome creationism-themed amusement park in his state. What, along with a "full-scale Noah's Ark," will it contain?

Well, this is creepy: The empty New Orleans Six Flags, abandoned after Hurricane Katrina, filmed by Teddy Smith. It's even got an atmospheric score! And, because of course an abandoned amusement park would have one, a huge, terrifying clown head.

This brave young man puts his fear of being launched into the air aside to ride an amusement park ride with his friend. Once they get launched into the air; however, he starts screaming for his mother.

Two people were trapped upside down, fifty feet in the air, for twenty minutes when one of their ponchos got tangled in the tracks of the steepest roller coaster in the world. This story contains a smorgasboard of phobias.