Soap operas are dying left and right. One Life to Live's inexplicably misguided answer: a musical number! Kids love American Idol and Glee! This will boost the ratings! Sadly, the result is almost too horrible to describe.

OK, I haven't watched OLTL since the early '90s, so I have no clue what is actually happening in this clip. It looks like some drag queen dressed up like Betsey Johnson is telling girls that gossip is bad while (badly) singing The Go-Go's "Our Lips Are Sealed" and (horribly) dancing around a hair salon. According to the tipster who made us aware of this pink-flavored travesty that aired earlier this afternoon, this was one of the last numbers during a two-day musical extravaganza that surrounded prom in the fictional town where the show is set. When all the soaps starting going the way of the do-do bird and the fried McDonald's apple pie, we were a little bit sad, but if this is how they fight for survival, than let those bitches die.