Miley Cyrus' Lesbian Kiss may destroy her career. Heidi and Spencer may have been destroyed by not having money. Kristen Stewart will prevent her "Fame = Rape" comments from destroying her. Saturday's Gossip Round up is apocalyptic.

  • So, Miley Cyrus did a kiss on stage in England. A kiss with another girl! As she is a girl, this is a lesbianic kiss. A sapphic smooch, if you will. Now critics of Miley Cyrus (writing, presumably, in the Journal of Miley Cyrus Studies) are saying that she might have gone "too far". US Weekly editor Bonnie Fuller told Page Six "She is going to give 'Hannah Montana' fans a heart attack." Fuller was talking about a metaphorical heart attack striking Miley's 6-11 year-old fans. But probably a few of Miley's many 45 year-old male fans' hearts literally stopped when they heard about the LESBIAN KISS OF DEATH WHICH IS WHAT THIS KISS IS NOW CALLED. Think of the fans, Miley. [Page Six]
  • What caused Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt to break up? I mean, besides the fact that Heidi Montag has that new reality show premised on her and Spencer breaking up? Was it lack of money? Apparently Spencer spent too much money on energy crystals and paying his friends to do his chores. He spent $500,000 on energy crystals! Wow. Where did he get his energy crystals? Fort Knox!? (Fort Knox is an energy crystal company notorious for being extremely expensive. Crystal biz dish!)[Radar]
  • So, Kristen Stewart is sorry for telling British Elle that fame is like "rape" because, obviously that is a huge insult to people who were actually sexually assaulted rather than just having to deal with people wanting to come up and tell you you are awesome all the time and take your picture to promote your new movie that you got paid a lot of money to be in. She then told Irish Vogue that being rich is like "being sentenced to 14 years hard labor in a 19th-century Russian gulag," insulting gulag-survivors everywhere. [People]
  • Some text messages came out and proved Jon "And No-one Plus No One" Gosselin staged his break-in. They're boring. [Radar]
  • Elin Nordegren took her kids to China. Radar wonders if it she did it to get as far as physically possible away from Tiger Woods. Because, seriously, why else would anyone else want to go China? God knows those 2 billion or whatever Chinese people only live there because they can't stand being any closer to Tiger Woods. [Radar]
  • If there were a lost apocalyptic passage of the Old Testament that foretold the destruction of the Earth when the Four Dog Whisperers of the Apocalypse got divorced, then we would have people streaming out into the street to rend their garments right in fear right about now: "the "Dog Whisperer" from TV, Cesar Millan just got divorced. AND SO IT BEGINS. [TMZ]
  • And yet, reality shows spring eternal. Heidi Klum and Seal ??? are launching a reality show on Lifetime Entertainment for Women. [People]
  • Khloe Kardashian has shot down rumors that she is with child. Sayeth Lady Khloe: "No, I'm just fat." Don't you hate when you're a tabloid writer and you write an item about someone being pregnant but it turns out they just have a little belly? [US Weekly]
  • Sheryl Crow wasn't pregnant, but she still has a new baby. Whaaa!? Did she steal him!? Baby stealer! Slay the demon Child-Stealer of the South! Oh, wait, she adopted him.[X17]
  • Dustin Hoffman and Jason Bateman kissed each other on the Jumbotron at the Staples Center in L.A. What a double standard! If Miley Cyrus had kissed Dustin Hoffman people would totally freak out. [TMZ]
  • Playboy Playmate Shauna Sand is going to Celebrity Rehab. But before she did, she had an all-night bender as a "last hurrah." Wow, Shauna. This is not how rehab works. [Radar]