You're curious about Real Housewife Danielle Staub's sex tape. But you don't want to buy it or watch her have sex. So we scrubbed the 90-minute Danielle Staub Raw clean of anything untoward. Now all that's left is the crazy!

Fair warning: If you press play on the video above, there are some blacked-out boobs and adult situations, but nothing more graphic than anything you'd see in a PG-13 movie.

Danielle, who is a certifiable loon, comes off as totally insane in this video made with a mystery man. Don't get this confused with the one made by her ex-boyfriend, a friend of fellow Real Housewife (and bankruptcy filer) Teresa Giudice who made an appearance on the first season of the show. That one was blocked last year by a judge.

In the video, Danielle pretends that she's seducing a football player and she's getting him off before the big game. She also spouts a lot of nonsense like, "I'm a woman of my word. I'm loyal and true." Of course, anyone who's watched even a minute of the show knows that she's a crazy liar who will stab people in the back in a heartbeat.

As for the things that we cut out, there's a great trip to her bidet to clean up after intercourse that is both startlingly ladylike and totally crass. (Also crass: when she goes to the bathroom sink and eats some toothpaste out of the tube.) There is also some serious hardcore action. Did you know she's pierced her ladyflower multiple times? We sure didn't but after watching the video—and the HD close-ups of penetration in a variety of positions—we'll never be able to get the image out of our heads. As for her partner, we never get to see his face, but we do get plenty of shots of his (not insubstantial) member.

One thing that's very clear is that her friend didn't shoot this video with a hidden camera as Danielle claimed. A real "woman of her word," indeed!

[Video edited by Matt Toder]