Remember Elvira Grau from Monday night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey? She was the mean but extremely talented (colored lights on the outside of the house? Rococohhh) party planner who is claiming to be the new cast member.

Some sort of press released was issued earlier this week implying that Grau will be back for multiple episodes and just might be the new Housewife, replacing Dina Manzo. Is this true? Andy Cohen says no!


And Andy Cohen would know, right? Unless this is some sort of trickery on his part. Just in case, let's figure out who Elvira Grau is.

Like we said, she's a party planner. She also owns two event spaces in New Jersey, two classy places classily named Space Odyssey USA and Space Port. What makes these places so fabulous? Let's let the website explain it:

From fun birthday parties to elegant Bar/BatMitzvahs, Sweet 16's, Proms, Charity events and so much more, Space Odyssey USA (26,000 sq. ft.) and Space Port (32,000 sq ft) are premiere event spaces that offer; 3-level indoor playground, train ride, basketball court, glow-in-the-dark bowling alleys, paintless paint ball, laser tag, large video arcade, posh VIP rooms and ultra lounge niteclub.

Nothing says "elegant Bat Mitzvah" quite like glow-in-the-dark bowling alleys.

Grau is a Russian immigrant who grew up poor in Brooklyn but has made it big. She lives in a $3 million mansion in Cresskill, NJ and makes a fabulous living planning super glitzy parties for super glitzy people like the fiscally responsible Teresa Giudice. But uh oh, what dark clouds are these? Speaking of fiscal responsibility, the New York Post reported this week that Grau owes some $300k in back taxes to the IRS. Oops! Whatever you do IRS, don't close the Space Port! Where else are we going to have Nick Denton's big bday bash??

So that's unfortunate. And it's unfortunate that she seems so determined about being on the show when she has such tough and equally desperate competitors as the two Kims. Though Elvira has help in her campaign! She's somehow employed the services of some sort of blog man, a self-proclaimed "celebrity magnet" who describes himself on his website this way:

Tom Murro was just an ordinary schmoe from Jersey with a job in banking, until the day he met President Barack Obama, and discovered that he had the power to attract celebrities like a magnet.

First Obama, now Elvira Grau, party planner. Progress.

So who knows. With appearances in Page Six and gigs planning Teresa Giudice's parties and a blog champion, maybe Elvira Grau is the real deal. She certainly seems to think so in the drunken dancing video that the celebrity magnet shot at one of Giudice's events. So there's that. If she's back on the show next week, maybe it really is all happening for her. If not, this is probably all woeful delusion, one of those painful dreams that are born and die out on the Turnpike.