Science Proves: Teen Girls Don't Care

Kid checkups! Organic fatties! Lazy docs! Sports carbs! Drunk teens! Rat Lungs! It's your predominantly factual Health Watch, where we watch your health—with the interest of a teenage girl amongst nerds!

• Most kids just get one checkup per year, but docs now say that teenage girls should get two checkups per year. Cause teenage girls are nasty.
• Recent studies show that when people eat organic food that they perceive as healthy, they tend to underestimate how much they're eating. Here's how much you're eating, granola boy: a lot. Teenage girls are laughing at your gut.
• Some people in the medical field now want to limit the number of hours that young doctors can work, because youngsters these days can't work a full 24 hour shift and still perform delicate surgery "safely." You'll never get yourself a teenage girlfriend working sissy hours, fellas.
• Do the carbohydrates in sports bars and "gels" get metabolized by your body as quickly as the carbs in liquid sports drinks like Gatorade? Yes they do, according to a new study. Although knowing that isn't something that would make you "cool," in the eyes of a teenage girl.
• A new survey shows that the attitudes of parents towards drinking can have a strong effect on how much teens drink. For example, if you're a big lush, your teenage daughter will probably be all drunk and mean all the time, doing who knows what. Scientists say.
• Scientists built a functioning rat lung in a laboratory. Teenage girls were like, "whatever."

[Pic: Shutterstock]