Atkins Nutritionals, the company that cashed in on the low-carb Atkins Diet, is up for sale and "could fetch more than $1 billion." Its anti-sugar precepts have become mainstream in America. The lone holdout: one rich motherfucker.

Dog food repurposing factory Taco Bell, which is in the process of becoming "upscale" in the sense of "selling food with a greater number of ingredients than a bean burrito," is rolling out some new Snaxxx that are perfectly suited to the sensitive and ever-evolving American palate. In the sense of "containing a quantity of carbohydrates sufficient to sustain a camel's complete journey through the harsh Sahara Desert."

Price Is Right host Drew Carey lost 80 pounds by removing carbs from his diet and exercising six days a week. Good for him! Now he can beat up Bob Barker for talking shit about him. [People; pics via AP]

Kid checkups! Organic fatties! Lazy docs! Sports carbs! Drunk teens! Rat Lungs! It's your predominantly factual Health Watch, where we watch your health—with the interest of a teenage girl amongst nerds!