Another day, another lawsuit against Lindsay Lohan, this time for impoverishing a Hollywood boutique. At least her abused assistant came back? Both halves of The Bachelor contemplate naked photoshoots. Zoe Saldana is engaged. Thursday gossip is a forgone conclusion.

  • Cowering in the wake of a tsunami of Lindsay Lohan shopping sprees, the owners of Hollywood boutique Church say LiLo has driven them to financial ruin. According to court documents, Lindsay racked up a bill of $170,060.83 and said her business manager would pay for it. Her manager came through with $180, and in the meantime, Church had to "start their business from scratch." They are now suing LiLo for the balance, accusing her of having "no intention" of ever paying. While this sounds something LiLo would do, we've reached the point where blaming Linday Lohan is a reasonable response to all mysteries large and small (like Jesus, she turns non-alcoholic substances into wine) so I will grant her a tiny grain of salt the size of a crushed breath mint of cocaine on this one. Just this once. [TMZ, image via Splash]
  • Meanwhile, Lindsay's beleaguered ex-assistant Eleonore is back assisting her again. She has to work a one-month "trial run" before Lindsay's people trust her enough to hire her again. Apparently being a celebrity assistant is like having battered woman's syndrome. Don't go back to your abuser, Eleonore! You can earn a living some other way—like selling Lindsay out to the tabloid press. [TMZ]
  • Julianne Moore nearly suffocated pretend-muffin-diving on Annette Bening in The Kids Are All Right. Apparently the set designer chose a really heavy blanket for their characters' bed, and during sex scenes Julianne "had to spend a lot of time under it" and everyone thought she would die. [Gatecrasher]
  • Both halves of The Bachelor's broken couple are readying themselves for soft-core porn: Playgirl is firing up its "cock calculator" to determine how much cash they can throw at possible-stealth-gay Jake Pavelka. (No offer yet, no comment from Jake.) Meanwhile, ex-wife and winner of Jake's TV show Vienna Girardi told Star magazine she was going to be on the cover of Playboy, but Playboy said it was "the first we've heard" of it. Apparently Vienna thinks she can get $250K for it, but now that she's tipped her hand at how much she wants it, she might be screwed. (They're not even in negotiations yet! Too soon, Vienna. Did competing with a harem for Jake's affections on national TV teach you nothing about the fine art of "hard to get"?) [NBN, Us]
  • Miley Cyrus' sexy new image is killing her CD sales. Apparently "Can't Be Tamed" launched at number 3 on the Billboard chart and is selling at one-third the rate of her last full-length album. Even her most recent EP—which was only sold at Wal-Mart—did better. [Reuters]
  • Martin Scorsese thinks Rupert Grint—a.k.a. Ron Weasley—is the next Leonardo DiCaprio, and is trying to guide his career by casting him as a gangster. "[Leo] has become one of the greatest actors of all time. The very same could be true of Rupert." Martin Scorsese's School for Sissy Boys Who Need to Toughen Up: That could be a movie, too. [http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/w000…]
  • Zoe Saldana is engaged to the secret boyfriend no one knew she had—actor/entrepreneur Keith Britton. They've been dating for ten years, since they were twenty-two. Mazel tov. [Us]
  • A bunch of people stuck behind the velvet rope at the Standard Hotel were like, "My friend is inside, please let me in! It's, uh, it's Drew Barrymore! Drew Barrymore is in there, she's my friend, let me in!" And then Drew Barrymore showed up and, for the first time in nightlife history, the ol' "my famous friend is waiting for my inside" gambit not only worked, but was true. [P6]
  • Christina Hendricks on her weight: "Back when I was modeling, the first time I went to Italy I was having cappuccinos every day, and I gained 15 pounds. And I felt gorgeous! I would take my clothes off in front of the mirror and be like, Oh, I look like a woman." [Health]
  • '70s pop icon Helen Reddy ("I Am Woman") recounts the horror of her local lingerie peddler: "They've got pasties—you know, like strippers wear... They've got all these little fancy things, which all have wires... So I finally said to the salesgirl, 'Do you have underwear that isn't slutty? And she pointed me to the sports department." According to Reddy, it's Madonna's fault, for killing the virgin/whore diad: "Now we're all whores." A baffled spokesperson for Madonna asked, "Why should Madonna be blamed for Helen Reddy not being able to find a good-fitting bra?" Yeah, that part was weird, but she does have a point. (Also weird: Her claim that underwires cause cancer. Last time I heard that it was from a Christian fundamentalist in an ankle-length A-line skirt at orchestra camp.) [P6]
  • A small kernel of trust amid the lying, cheating horror of the Sandra Bullock-Jesse James divorce: Sandy and Jesse both declined to independently verify the assets declared in their divorce papers. Death : taxes :: love : divorce papers? [TMZ]