The little lady's got some heat on her, fresh off of one hit and onto a potential second one. Also today: Tom Cruise likes 'em big, two actors join the fight against the zombies, and J.Lo might J.Go.

Today at Gawker.TV, the Today Show hosts dislike the word "suck," Bachelor Jake Pavelka's acting debut, Rob Corddry and Oscar Nunez appear on The Soup, and a father takes out an ad in the local paper to embarrass his daughter.

During last night's Drop Dead Diva, The Bachelor's Jake Pavelka made his grand acting debut, playing a dating/reality show contestant who's attempting to get an acting career off the ground. So in other words, a giant stretch from real life.

The Heidi Montag Sex Tape keeps getting sexier! Justin Timberlake is the face of a women's perfume. A Jonas brother has a new girlfriend. True Blood stars get married! Sunday Gossip Roundup is battered and deep fried.

Britney doesn't want her kids to be famous. A Real Housewife leaves a stroller unattended and two kids nearly die in a swimming pool. Heidi Montag's mom is "mourning the loss of a child." Wednesday gossip has maternal anxieties.

Did you watch the big Bachelor blowdown that aired during the The Bachelorette last night? Bitter exes Jake Pavelka and Vienna Sausages sat on a Loveseat of Awkwardness and dished about their nasty breakup. It was horrible.

Accusations of "fame-whoring" and emotional abuse flew, but in the end Jake was "just not that into" Vienna. It makes sense: hot dude—with perfectly-groomed eyebrows—moves to LA, begins an acting career, and forgets about his possibly cross-eyed fiancée.

It's true. A waitress done up and punched her in the face. At least she's not Kristen Stewart, who fears her fans will kill her. Or at least she's not anyone else featured in this Friday gossip splooge.

Another day, another lawsuit against Lindsay Lohan, this time for impoverishing a Hollywood boutique. At least her abused assistant came back? Both halves of The Bachelor contemplate naked photoshoots. Zoe Saldana is engaged. Thursday gossip is a forgone conclusion.

The world recoils at the news that a supermodel is not completely flawless, just mostly flawless. Jeremy Piven drops his cellphone in the toilet. Kristen Stewart has a litter of half-wolf hybrids. Tuesday gossip confirms what you already knew.

"Miserable" Britney seeks solace with a sleazy ex-boyfriend. Kim Kardashian has a new beau. Robert Pattinson "just took a shit on the Queen's face." (Sort of.) Lindsay Lohan's ex-assistant remains loyal. Thursday gossip will stab you in the back.

"17 stitches later" Katy Perry contemplates using a walker onstage. The cast of Glee won't stop banging on set. Conan and Lance Armstrong get in a Twitter fight. Tiki Barber is broke. Wednesday gossip gets you through the hump.

Lohan's people will probably airbrush the SCRAM out of her nudie pics, but hopefully there will be outtakes. The Bachelor breaks up with his reality TV-anointed wife. Everybody who's anybody is posting Miley Cyrus crotch pictures, now. Tuesday gossip cometh.

What's worse than being voted off of Dancing With the Stars? Crying, making statements about loving your dance partner, and camera filming your fake TV fiancee's jealous bitchface for all of America to see.

Let me declare up front: I may not be The Bachelor's target audience. You see, I have a confession to make to the GawkerTV community: I do not watch reality television. Shocking, yes.

Decisions, decisions. So many confusing—and arousing—emotions factored into Jake's final decision last night—and it wasn't an easy one! Love was in full bloom, and The Bachelor certainly beat us over the head with it.