JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon—who was once President Obama's favorite banker but is now a persona non grata at the White House—is selling his Chicago home. In it, we find oriental rugs, a mysterious portrait, and fake books.

Luxist posted pictures of Dimon's eight-bedroom abode today, which has been on the market since 2005, but has since been slashed to a bargain-basement price of $9.5 million. Let's take a virtual tour, shall we?

Daily Intel calls our attention to the very possible self-portrait: "Jamie knows how handsome he is—he doesn't need to look at his pretty face every day."

There is a marble, star-studded dome above the workout room, an upholstered settee in the bathroom, and decorative books in the office. These are known as a "matching books," purchased by the foot for hundreds of dollars, and available in different sizes and colors to match your decor:

There is also a grand piano, in a goldenrod-colored room with a pretty checkered wood floor. And—hey—is that Achille Castiglioni's Arco lamp? They sell that for $2,700 at Room & Board. Downright thrifty for the CEO of a company that rakes in $20 billion a year!

The chance that Jamie Dimon personally chose the vast majority of these decorating details is, of course, slim to none. (Didn't you see Wall Street? Interior design is for leggy blonde ladies, not broody executives.) But there is something charming about seeing the plush, overstuffed sofa where the CEO of a bank that borrowed $25 billion in taxpayer dollars may have sat, once, and scratched himself and farted. [Sotheby's, Luxist, Daily Intel, photo at top via Getty]