Playboy's safe-for-work blog The Smoking Jacket has finally found its niche: lazy, amoral deadbeat dads. Headline from the site's first-ever Deadbeat Dad column: "How to Use Your Two-Year-Old Child As a Drug Mule." Sounds promising!

Although I question almost all of Deadbeat Dad's conclusions—is L.A. really the best city for toking? And wouldn't a vaporizer be the best way to avoid getting smoke in your baby's lungs?—the titular drug mule concept is mildly brilliant, if also evil and inherently flawed:

Before you leave for the airport, you'll want to take the extra can of powdered baby formula and dig out a few scoops and replace them with your stash. You will then place the can of formula at the bottom of the bag, underneath the extra clothes, burp cloths and other kid crap. If you're carrying a bit more than will fit in a can of formula, try folding your ounce in a clean diaper and putting that diaper in a clear plastic bag, as if it's been soiled. Add other "soiled" diapers as well. Trust me, no human being is ever going to look in that plastic bag, not even your anal-retentive wife.

Forget, for a moment, the obvious perils of storing drugs in your baby's food. You're going to inhale something that's been in close quarters with human poop? Just find a new delivery service when you get there, you deadbeat. [The Smoking Jacket, image via Sergieiev/Shutterstock]