It's hot outside! And yet, thanks to "society," you still have to wear clothes. The New York Times thinks you should do things like wear linen. Whatever! We have better ideas.

The Times went ahead and interviewed all sorts of fashionable-type ladies for advice about dressing in the heat, which is cool and all, I guess. (Really if you are a fashionable lady you can just read our sister site Jezebel, which has a lot of suggestions for dressing for hot weather.) But you should ignore their advice! And listen to ours:

  • Wear shorts. Shorts are like pants, but shorter. If you're not supposed to wear shorts to work, tattoo the bottom half of your legs the same color as your favorite pair of shorts. You'll thank me later! When you're wearing shorts, at work.
  • Dress in white. Snow? Polar bears? Refrigerators? What do they have in common? Think about it. One possibility: A wedding gown.
  • Wear lightweight fabrics. Cotton? Is cotton a light fabric? I dunno. Wool? Try paper. Paper seems pretty light.
  • Don't wear any clothes at all. I know what you're going to say: "I'll be fired!" "I'll get stared at on the street!" "I'll violate my court order!" But did you ever think: Who gives a shit?
  • Buy a personal air-conditioner. I think the Sharper Image sells these things? Worst-case scenario, just take your home air conditioner with you outside. Probably you'll need a long extension cord.
  • Wear a top hat. This is less about the heat, and more that I think top hats are due for a comeback.
  • Make clothes out of ice. Should be easy to figure out.
  • Wear loose-fitting clothing. And in the pocket of your loose-fitting clothing, put a one-way plane ticket to Alaska, and then use it, to go to Alaska, where it's less hot, and live there.

[Pic via AP]