Our child-president Barack Obama turns a sprightly 49 today, and everyone's excited. The Republican National Committee, for example, have set up a website where you can send very mean birthday cards to the commander-in-chief. Which will you choose?

The RNC comedy site "Barack's Birthday Cards" is presumably a response to Organizing for America's recent email blast from Michelle Obama, urging people to send her husband a "happy birthday" note (and maybe donate, hmm?). Some conservatives were terrified by this "creepy" authoritarian pledge of allegiance to Dear Leader. And as far as throwaway emails go it was kind of creepy! It was creepy when Cindy McCain did it, it was creepy when Laura Bush did it, and it's creepy when Michelle Obama does it. But so what?

Let's check out a few of the delightful ZINGS! the RNC has provided on this, the anniversary of our leader's Kenyan birth.

Harry Reid is so depressed, and poor. Poor enough that he has to save all his money just to speak.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, who apparently is also the president's scheduler, wants to send Obama to Oprah for his birthday. That would be a great idea! Everyone watches Oprah.

John Kerry is a limp-wristed French dandy. Just in case you forgot that about him, from the 2004 election.

Where's the generic card from the RNC that says "fuck you"? There's too much difficult irony in these other ones.

[Photo of Obama and friends — in wax at Madame Tussauds— via Getty]