The Psychosexual Longings of a Stodgy Newsman

Granted, noon is the equivalent of 6PM when you host a morning show. In GQ's new profile of Joe Scarborough, the professional chit-chatter reveals his sexual fixations and calls co-host Mika Brzezinski "mommy" while she chugs vodka from a mug.

Joe and Mika's famous "sexual energy" roars to the fore with a boozy Oedipal moment at Macelleria, a "Republican steak house" according to its owner.

"Are you serious? What's a Republican restaurant in the meatpacking district?" [Scarborough] looks at the menu. "What should I get, Mommy?" he asks Mika, who is drinking straight vodka at noon. She orders for him.
"Stop it," she says, slapping his hand away from his iPhone. "Stop it now." She's chastising him for tweeting, which she thinks he's becoming obsessive about.

All the "sexual energy" of an elderly nun boxing a kindergartner's ears. As wildly erotic as the following items that decorate Joe's "cramped windowless lair" of an MSNBC office:

"A photo of Sarah Palin ripped from GQ.
"Jack Kennedy, in an iconic campaign photo-which Joe has adorned with stickers of big-boobed women and a thought bubble: 'I love Hooters.'"
"Lots and lots of Hillary—magazine covers, photos, Christmas cards, notes."

Look out, Mika, you have competition. For Joe Scarborough's crushy-wushy on Hillary is unrivaled:

His staff had told me that he has a little crush on her. Does he? "If I do have a crush on her, that means I'm turned on by competence." Do you think it would be better if she had won? "I do. Because she's a grown-up. Everyone else is a child compared to her. I love her."

Next week, on The Psychosexual Longings of Stodgy Newsmen, Andy Rooney ruminates on the female orgasm. [GQ, image via Getty]