Guess what! The Miss Universe pageant is on right now. Since nobody cares about who wins, I've decided to pull clips of the worst/creepiest/most awkward moments—just from the first hour!—and post them as your schadenfreude fix. Videos inside.

1) Cohost Bret Michaels is a very horny man:

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2) Michaels is also not too good at reading teleprompters:

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3) Donald Trump is possibly the worst (and unintentionally creepy) choice ever to give the pre-commercial voiceovers:

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Was that one not creepy enough? Here, try this:

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4) The judges. Say "D-List!" fast five times:

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5) Another horny moment from Michaels while introducing the swimsuit contest, followed by enough bouncing breasts to last a lifetime:

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6) Presented without comment:

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