All the Gleeks waited patiently by their televisions last night hoping to be wowed by the much-hyped Britney Spears episode of Glee. Yes, it was fun, but something about it just seemed, well, wrong.

I just want to say that Glee is one of my favorite shows on television and I'd much rather watch it fail than watch many other shitty shows succeed (I'm looking at you, *!(@%^Q)% My Dad Says), but the first two episodes of season two have confirmed almost all of my fears about season two. It's relying more on stunts, guest stars, and big concepts than the characters that we grew to love. The heart of the show has been taken over by the money-making machine.

One fear I had that turned out to not be true was that overexposure to Brittany, our beloved daffy cheerleader, would ruin her. I was afraid it would be like eating a candy bar for dinner. You can't make a meal out of a treat, but Brittany was clearly the highlight of the episode. From her deadpan delivery about the torture of being named Brittany S. Pierce (aka Brittany Spears) and pulling a Rachel Barry and deciding she wants all the solos in Glee club to her amazing dancing and singing abilities, more Brittany proved to be even more fun.

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"Slave 4 U" might as well refer to this episode of the show. It was a complete slave to Britney Spears, and in a bad way. The excuse to have this Britney episode was totally bogus, with Babygay Kurt saying there was a Facebook campaign to get the club to sing a Britney song at a pep rally and Mr. Shue deciding that he didn't want Britney to be a bad influence on his kids. It was completely out of the blue and concocted only to put on a bunch of big Britney numbers. This season really needs an overarching theme—and fast.

Anyway, the powers that be decided that a Britney episode was in order and they had to find a way to make it work. The problem isn't using all Britney songs, but in making the whole episode about Britney. Why not just make the episode about the struggles of the Glee club and just happen to have a full playlist of Britney songs. Just because you're featuring her, doesn't mean she needs to be the star. Rather than being an episode of Glee, this hour was totally hijacked by Britney Spears. The songs didn't even fit into the plot! The writers came up with this device where each number was a hallucination by a character under anesthesia. That made each routine complete gratuitous.

And not did the songs have no meaning, but they were almost totally faithful to the original Britney version. On top of that, the videos were pretty much direct copies of the Britney Spears video. If I wanted to watch someone sing and dance just like Britney, I'd watch Britney, not Glee doing Britney. The lack of synthesis makes it completely boring. Like the fate that befalls so many American Idol contestants, if you can't make a song your own, all you're doing is karaoke.

That said, Brittany really rocks the dance moves here.

Other slaves this episode were Will, who is still a slave to Emma; Rachel, who is a slave to Finn; and Finn, who is a slave to popularity.

So, we meet Emma's dentist boyfriend, Karl, who is played by the dreamy John Stamos. He is one of the many men who seems to only get hotter the older he gets and he was game for his silly storyline last night. He didn't serve much of a purpose other than to be a thorn in Will's side and sedate the dancing students, but that was enough for this week. When Santana (who is one of the finest scripted bitches on television these days) finds out how good the dope is at the dentist office, she wants to go for turn with Brittany.

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"Me Against the Music" is another great (if unoriginal) video, but the strain is already showing. Santana even makes a joke about how it seems impossible that their fantasies combined. Sorry, Glee, a bit of silly self-awareness does not excuse you from shoddy plotting. Why not spare us the joke and find a better solution. And, seriously, why pick this song? It's one of Britney's weakest. If you wanted to do a Brittany/Santana number, why not choose "3" and make it about a threeway between the two girls and John Stamos? Just thinking about that made me happy.

Will is up against Karl and Karl, Emma, and all the kids in Glee think he needs to relax. I'm not sure where this sentiment is coming from, but it's convenient to keep the plot of this episode humming, so there it is, created for effect. WIll buys a flashy car and gets all jiggy with life to impress Emma or something.

Rachel isn't up against the music, she's up against her own worst enemy: herself. She doesn't want Finn back on the football team because she thinks the only way their relationship will work is if they're both losers. Oh, Rachel, is your self-esteem that low? Why do I even ask that? Of course it is. Finn makes it even worse when he picks on the way she dresses. Luckily, she finds solace in Britney Spears.

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A faithful rendition of a Britney classic like "...Baby One More Time" isn't such a bad thing, but it looses its oomph when it's the third one in a row. What I really don't understand is that, when Rachel is looking to spice up her look, why does she choose one that is more than a decade old? Sure, the naughty schoolgirl is classic as the cheerleader or the football player (images we see on the show all the time) but wouldn't a real high school girl who wasn't a Slave 2 Britney look for more contemporary inspiration like Rhianna or Taylor Swift or someone like that? For Rachel, dressing like Britney is the equivalent of having an 'NSYNC Trapper Keeper, and you don't see her carrying around one of those, do you?

Everyone seems to really like her new look though (including Santana who delivered a classic line about her usual style being like a dark, specific Japanese fetish), but Finn hates it. He liked her better in "reindeer sweaters" when he was the only one who wanted her and he didn't have to worry about the prying eyes of every other guy in school.

Terri Schuester wants to be hit one more time, and her return on the scene was a wacky delight. She's a monster, but, like Sue Motherfucking Sylvester, she sure is one entertaining monster. I can't wait to see what horrible plot she cooks up.

Artie also wants to be reunited with Tina, whose Asian fusion with Mike Chang gets stronger by the day. That leads him to this fantasy.

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OK, this is what we're talking about. The song is just the same as Britney's—though sung by a man—but at least the choreography is specific to the plot and to Glee. My problem with it is what came after. Artie has this dream he and Finn are back on the football team and he tells Finn about it in the locker room. Presto chango, they are back on the football team! Does anyone understand how they got back on the team? I don't. Coach Bieste just decided that they should be. Maybe because they discovered that it's legal to use Artie as a battering ram? Who knows. But it was convenient so a writer waved his magic wand and made it happen.

That wasn't the only instance of a plot point completely evaporating. Babygay Kurt got all bitchy with Mr. Schue about Britney for no particular reason and was sent to the principal's office. What happened there? Was he punished? Why make such a big deal about sending him if there aren't going to be any consequences? Everything in this episode was just so damn sloppy.

But even the sloppiness, like having Sue MF Sylvester opposed to Britney, brought some good jokes. Jewfro Jacob sweaty naked butt print was definitely worth having to concoct a meandering way to get SMFS involved in the story.

Will decided to get stronger by performing with Glee and showing Emma that he's not the stick in the mud everyone thinks he is. And it lead to the episode's creative high point.

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This, right here, is everything we love about Glee. Not only is "Toxic" Britney's best song (it's the only one in my iPod, at least) but they completely reimagined it. This is a pop song made for a show choir (down to a vocal version of the catchy, electronic hooks) and it is performed in real life. This is the song you download from iTunes because it's something different, something you can't find anywhere else. Also, the dancing and the staging were fantastic and, other than the screams from the audience getting in the way, it is pretty much a perfect performance. Nothing toxic about this.

What is toxic is Will's new attitude. He sells back the flashy car he buys to impress Emma and goes back to his old ways and his closet full of vests from old episodes of Blossom. Crisis averted and silly plot erased without consequence.

Also toxic is Rachel. I'm omitting her last song from the evening because I'm mad at her. Last week they pulled the same shit with Rachel, making her do something abhorrent and they giving her an uplifting song. Same thing this week. She convinces Quinn to come on to Finn to see what he'll do. He stays faithful to Rachel and she needed that validation to know that Finn was truly hers even though he was popular again. What a monster. And then she sings about how he's her "only exception" or something like that, like we're supposed to be inspired by her devotion to Finn. Please!

What was great about Rachel when the show started was that she was an awful, self-centered famewhore, but she was tragically flawed and delusional which made her likable. She was the thwarted striver in all of us. Now she's just annoying. She's your best friend's obnoxious girlfriend who you always think, "Man, why doesn't he dump her?" but he never does, and she's always showing up at brunch with some passive aggressive comment or domineering plan and it just ruins your whole day. Eventually she gets so bad you stop calling your friend until eventually he dumps her and he's all like, "Bro, why didn't you warn me." That's what Rachel is like.

So, yeah, the Britney episode was a cute distraction, but can we go back to having emotionally invested episodes about the characters we care about and fewer of these stunts? We're looking for a stronger tomorrow and we're going to try to forget yesterday.

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