The most saccharine couple ever to grace a celebrity glossy breaks up. Palm Desert police say Lindsay Lohan violated her probation. Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp are dating. Kelli Pickler is married. Wednesday gossip is a Taylor Swift break-up ballad.

  • After weeks of tender loving photo opportunities at coffee houses, Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift seem to have broken up. Swyllenhaal reportedly split before the holidays and before Taylor's 21st birthday, which means this story about Jake giving Taylor an $11,000 guitar for her birthday is either false or much sadder than previously thought. Here's an Anonymous Source Close to the Couple on why Jaylor is no longer: "Jake reached out to her and started all of this, but now he's not acting as interested. He said he wasn't feeling it anymore and was uncomfortable with all the attention they got. He also said he could feel the age difference." And the money question: How many achy breaky songs will Swift get out of this? "Taylor is really upset." Two ballads and an up-tempo be-bop, it is! [Us, People, image via INF]
  • Montel Williams got posted with a marijuana pipe at Milwaukee's airport. (Which is actually the second time this has happened to him! Last time it was in Detroit's airport.) He paid a $484 citation, even though his weed is medical. [Radar]
  • The price of sweeping a Demi Lovato face punch under the rug: "Way less" than $100,000. [Radar]
  • Lindsay Lohan is cursed. Mere days after America's favorite cocaine gremlin completed her court-ordered rehabilitation at the Betty Ford Clinic, The Palm Desert Police Department (PDPD! Hee.) has completed its investigation into her alleged assault of a clinic employee: "The investigation determined Ms. Lohan violated several aspects of her probation, including the battery [charge]." They notified her probation officer and handed the case over to prosecutors. LiLo's lawyer calls PDPD's conduct "deeply troubling." [People, People]
  • Meanwhile, LiLo is "telling friends" she had "no idea" her new beach house was next door to—nay, in the mirror image building of—ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson's domicile. Pure coincidence! If it's, like, a big deal to Sam, she'll move out "to keep the peace," but c'mon, why would it be weird to move into an exact replica of her ex's home, with their windows facing each other? Think of all the fun they'll have with tin can telephones! [TMZ]
  • Also, everyone in Venice Beach already hates Lindsay. Rough times. [Radar]
  • Kellie Pickler got married, and it was enough to make her name trend on Twitter yesterday afternoon. Americon Idol cast offs: More trendy than #Wikileaks. [People, image via @kellipickler]
  • Meanwhile, Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp are "quiet dating." It started seven weeks ago, before John publicly announced he was separating from his wife. They went to Martha's Vineyard together, and are the homelier version of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. [People]
  • I know it's been driving you crazy, so allow me to explain: That "sparkler" Christina Aguilera's been wearing on her ring finger? Not an engagement ring. [People]
  • But the massive quail's egg of a diamond on Reese Witherspoon's finger? 100% CAA-endorsed engagement, baby. [TMZ]
  • Toni Braxton plans to show "a lil T and A" in a forthcoming Playboy spread. "They have asked me about 3 times before." Papa Poop Palace doesn't take no for an answer. Oh, hmm, did that sound kinda rape-y? Hugh Hefner is not a rapist! [@tonibraxton]