At the Nets-Mavericks game, Kim Kardashian met Snooki. What did they talk about? By bribing an imaginary eavesdropper with a wizard hat of doubloons, we acquired an exclusive fictional transcript of the conversation.

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Kim: Right there, that's the paparazzi.
Snooki: Hang on, lemme smolder.
Guido: This will get me on MTV, right?
Jonathan Cheban: That's what I'm betting on.

Kim: Sometimes you have to hail them, like a cab. Over here, paparazzi! Yoohoo!
Snooki: Don't break my concentration. I might accidentally slip into smile.
Guido: Maybe I should punch one of them. That'd get me on MTV, right?
Jonathan Cheban: Read my mind, dude.

Snooki: It's not working, Kim. Nobody is paying attention to us.
Kim: Don't worry, I've got one more trick up my sleeve. And by "up my sleeve"...

Kim: ...I mean "down my pants"! Just try and tear your eyes away, boys.
All Men: Gurgle.
[Image via Getty]