Today at Gawker.TV, Stephen Colbert leaves Egypt's future up to a cat, football players take to The View to defend kids who are bullied in school, and Jesse Eisenberg finally finds a date for the Oscars.

Stephen Colbert Leaves Egypt's Fate in the Paws of a Cat
On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen determined that, not unlike sporting matches, animals should be able to predict the outcome of Egypt's political unrest. Luckily, kitty correspondent Christiane Aman-Purr was on hand to help out.

Jesse Eisenberg Finally Finds a Date for the Oscars
Who would have guessed that Jesse has been trying to get the same girl to go out with him since he was fourteen? She finally said yes, all he has to do is supply the dress.

A Prototypically Incoherent Interview with the Insane Clown Posse
Those of you hoping for a lecture on magnetism will have to settle for Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope's "thoughts" on religion, record-label independence, and the cultural significance of their annual "gathering" of robust australopithecines deep in America's bowels.

Philadelphia Eagles Surprise Bullied Teen on The View
The women of The View welcomed Nadin Khoury, a 13-year-old boy whose brutal bullying was caught on tape. In a touching gesture, they surprised him with three members of the Philadelphia Eagles - his favorite football team.

Rachel Bilson Stops by Chelsea Lately to Discuss Fat Babies and Her Sex-Counselor Mom
On Chelsea Lately, Rachel Bilson admitted her penchant for chubby babies (cue the Chewy joke) and pop tarts. Yes, fat babies are a thing that you must love when you yourself are a small pixie weighing in at 90 pounds.