What Should Our New National Anthem Be?
[There was a video here]
Christina Aguilera screwed up the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the Super Bowl on Sunday. And, hours later, when we realized she'd messed up the lyrics, the country was plunged deep into a crisis from which it may never emerge. Do we need a new national anthem? And if so, what should it be?
The fact is, Americans are neither talented enough nor smart enough to pull off "The Star-Spangled Banner." There are, like, three octaves! And big words! What even is a "ramparts"? Or, for that matter, a "spangle"? In all likelihood, the song is still our national anthem only because of the extraordinary power wielded by the shadowy descendants of Francis Scott Key.
But we won't let that stop us. Let's choose a new anthem! From one of the following:
"America the Beautiful"
What it says about America: America is beautiful.
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? Almost definitely.
"God Bless America"
What it says about America: America is great.
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? Unlikely.
"This Land Is Your Land"
What it says about America: America is a collectivist paradise.
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? No.
"This Is How We Do It"
What it says about America: America does it like nobody does.
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? No.
"In the Air Tonight"
What it says about America: Well, nothing. Gnarly song, though.
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? As long as she nails the drum intro we're cool.
"Pizza in the Morning" Pizza Bagels Jingle
What it says about America: In America, you can eat pizza any time.
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? Probably not.
The sound of guns firing
What it says about America: Guns
Would Christina Aguilera mess up the lyrics? Yes.
