The Most Famous Cock Shots of All Time
The moment has arrived: Congressman Anthony Weiner's naked penis picture has gone public. But how does it rank in the great history of dong shots? Resident genital experts Maureen O'Connor and Brian Moylan give their reviews of some famous celebrity dick pics.
Weiner's Wiener
Click photo for NSFW version
When the world first saw Rep. Anthony Weiner's briefs-clad dong, the conclusion was a low, slow whistle and a knowing "Niiiice." But Weiner's alleged naked wiener picture—as tweeted by radio host Anthony Cumia—is less impressive. (Albeit impeccably groomed.) In his definitive guide "How to Take a Dong Shot," Brian Moylan argues that the under-dick angle is the saving grace of those who are "really tiny," when "you need balls to add the illusion that you're longer than you truly are." Is Weiner a wiener illusionist?
Maureen: Thumbs down for inconsistency. Looked better in briefs.
Brian: Thumbs up for following my instructions, but the actual wang gets a thumbs down.
Kanye's Cock
Click photo for NSFW version
Asked whether this picture of his giant penis was real, Kanye said, "Have you heard the first line of 'Runaway'? [Ed: "She find pictures in my email / I sent this girl a picture of my, hey!"] I only rap reality. You can't imagine how disappointed I was that I got cut off."
Maureen: Thumbs up.
Brian: Thumbs up. This is the ne plus ultra of dong shots. He even uses his undies to get it front and center.
Favre's Fapper
Click photo for NSFW version
Brett Favre's petite penis comes to us courtesy of Gawker's fratty brother site Deadspin. Favre's dick pics were part of his uninvited cellphone seduction of sports reporter Jenn Sterger.
Maureen: Thumbs down. Tragic lack of self-awareness.
Brian: Thumbs down. I've never seen a penis look this unappealing.
Franco's Frankfurter
Click photo for NSFW version
Last March, James Franco tweeted this picture to his 364,000 followers with no explanation. What's that pink thing sticking out of his fly? An awkwardly positioned hand? A penis? An existential joke from the king of annoying performance art mindfucks?
Maureen: STFU James Franco. Thumbs down.
Brian: I like that there's a mystery of whether or not it's really Franco's frankfurter. Just like most of Franco's art, this gets a thumbs up for concept, thumbs down for execution.
Chris Brown's Bayonet
Click photo for NSFW version
Noted domestic abuser Chris Brown described his dick pic thusly: "It was an out of the shower shot. It was like, 'hey what's up,' the 'look at me now.' I was alone but I wasn't even excited. It's whatever, man." Translation: Did you see how big my dick is? "I'm comfortable with my body." Translation: No, seriously, look at it.
Maureen: Thumbs down because of the human it is connected to.
Brian: Thumbs up because every time I see this picture I forget how awful Chris Brown is.
Chris Cooley's Accidental Exposure
Click photo for NSFW version
Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley has a blog where he posts pictures of banal things, like this "Tight Ends Test" booklet, so he can show his fans how he is preparing for games. For this picture he set the booklet on his lap. While naked. And failed to notice that his fuzzy balls were also in the frame.
Maureen: Thumbs up. Charmingly inept, in the manner of Mr. Bean. (Dare I say "slapstick"?)
Brian: Thumbs down. It looks short and stumpy and totally gross.
[Photos, top, via Getty Images]
