What To Do When a Moth Crawls Inside Your Ear
Thanks to the unfortunate luck of 12-year-old Wade Schlote of Colorado, we now have a clear protocol on what to do when a moth crawls into your ear as you sleep, painfully lodging itself deep inside your ear canal and refusing to die. Take note.
1. Try not to panic.
2. Succumb to inevitable panic. Recompose yourself.
3. Alert a guardian, loved one or caregiver. In Wade's case, it was his mom.
4. After they're done laughing, have them look inside your ear with a flashlight to see that you aren't kidding.
5. Go to the nearest emergency room.
6. Repeat Step 4.
7. Remain calm as ER doctors, nurses, orderlies, other patients, and cafeteria and gift shop personnel form a giant huddle, attempting to figure out the best way to remove a still-living moth from your head.
8. Submit yourself to numerous failed attempts, including "drowning," "irrigating," and "numbing," until, finally, "tweezers" proves successful.
9. Watch in fascinated, Silence of the Lambs-style horror as the removed moth instantly begins flapping its wings and flying around the hospital room.
10. Capture the moth and place it in a urine sample jar. (Unused, preferably.)
11. Name it. Taunt it daily until it dies.
12. Share your story with the world.
