Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez crash a wedding. Khloe Kardashian's husband mauls a pedestrian. Rachel Uchitel loses $10 million. Nikki Blonsky is the saddest washed-up celebrity in America. Monday gossip is the stuff of legend.

  • Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez "were strolling on the beach when they heard Justin's hit 'One Less Lonely Girl' playing at [a Malibu wedding] reception." So they crashed the party and Biebs rushed the microphone, igniting a legend that would be whispered around campfires and teen girl slumber parties for years to come, involving playing "One Less Lonely Girl" at midnight while wearing a wedding dress and whispering "Bloody Bieber" three times in front of a mirror. That said, the people in this wedding appear to be well-adjusted adults, which means "One Less Lonely Girl" was probably being deployed ironically, which means Justlena (Sestina? Buliemez?) performed the equivalent of a live-action rickroll. Which is actually fairly mindblowing. [TMZ, image via Getty]
  • Lamar Odom's NYC chauffeur crashed into a motorcyclist and teenage pedestrian while he was in town for a funeral. Apparently Lamar was en route to a barber shop. You'd think he could shave his head by himself? [Us, NYDN]
  • Speaking of Khloe and Lamar, they might be pregnant with twins, according to a blog that staked its reputation on Beyonce being pregnant, sixteen months ago. [MediaTakeout]

At the dress rehearsal for her wedding to Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minnillo practiced laughing orgasmically while cutting the cake. Why do brides always have orgasmic laughs? Maybe they're practicing for their amateur wedding night pornos. [DailyMail, image via TLC]

  • Marc Anthony on his splice from J. Lo: "They say I am a single man." So, still in the "processing" phase. Wake me when he gets to "sloppy one-night stands with waitresses." [Daily Mail]
  • Rachel Uchitel was forced to return her $10 million Tiger Woods "settlement" (what were they "settling"? "Hush money" is more accurate) because she violated the confidentiality clause by going on Celebrity Rehab. Now the Uchi-Cuchi-Cooter wants to sue Gloria Allred for malpractice, according to a "source" who is probably just Rachel, in plastic eyeglasses and a fake nose with a mustache, reminding the world that she used to be rich. [TMZ]
  • Stephanie Seymour called the cops on her son, the one she is famous for hugging. [P6]
  • Nikki Blonsky's desperation has gotten really sad. Mall shoe store sales lady who still thinks she's a celebrity, sad. Tricking random men into being seen in public with her so she can pretend they're her boyfriends, sad. [P6, NYDN]
  • Jane Lynch on growing up in Illinois in the '60s: "I didn't want to be too tall. I didn't want to be too loud. I didn't want to be gay." [Vogue]
  • Will this plague of marines asking celebrities to the Marine Corps Ball never end? The latest victim is Betty White. Meanwhile, Adrian Chen is still free. [Radar]