Prince Harry is apparently dating a cocktail waitress from San Diego who looks kind of like his sister-in-law. Kim Kardashian is not divorcing, uh, what's-his-name. And Mariah Carey's babies are finally photographed. Saturday gossip wants Lindsay Lohan to send it 30 In-n-Out burgers.

  • Remember when I said that Prince Harry was coming to California, but he was not going to date you? I was wrong, if your name is Jessica Donaldson and you are a cocktail waitress from San Diego. Because according to the always-reliable British tabloid press, citing "a source," Ms. Donaldson (pictured above; as many have noted, she looks sort of like Kate Middleton) and Prince Harry have been out on two dates ("lunch at a beachside restaurant" and "dancing while [drinking] tequila" at a beachside tavern) since meeting at the nightclub where she works. If Harry marries her, and kills William, and she becomes Queen and her children rule England forever, it will represent the final blow of the American Revolution. [Page Six, Daily Mail]
  • You will be pleased to hear that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are not breaking up, even thought someone took a photo of Kris holding a cardboard box. Or "indifferent"? You will be "indifferent" to hear this news. In any event, that was just Kris gathering cardboard to build himself a fort. [TMZ]
  • Lindsay Lohan apparently "worked [her] ass off" at the morgue because she felt "terrible" about being late on her first day. (She even "socialized with some of the other volunteers.") And, as an attempted apology, she sent over a bunch of burgers and "gourmet" cupcakes—only to have her gift turned away because, in the words of Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter, "[w]e're not here to accept food." No! Only dead bodies! And if you get hungry, you have to eat one of them. [TMZ, TMZ]
  • In case you were wondering what Mariah Carey's kids looked like, here's a photo of her, her husband Nick Cannon, and their three newborn babies. [ABC News]
  • One of the guys from American Pie had a baby, only, when it came out, it was actually an enormous colorful bird that let out a piercing cry and burst into flames in the maternity ward. [People]
  • Nicole Scherzinger, who is not going to happen now matter how hard you try, Illuminati, has broken up with her boyfriend, a British Formula 1 driver named Lewis Hamilton, thanks to the strain of a long-distance relationship. [People]

[image via AP]