I've got news for you: everything you're doing to keep yourself healthy is worthless. Well, by "you" I mean "people who do yoga and take vitamins and generally try to be healthy." I know you just sit around on the internet all day. The point is: it doesn't matter, because you're wasting your time either way.

  • ITEM THE FIRST: Yoga. Hippie bullshit, or what? Yes, it is. Drop some science on these hippies, WSJ: "A study believed to be the largest of its kind...found both yoga and stretching were equally as effective [at healing back pain], suggesting the benefits of yoga are attributable to the physical benefits of stretching and not to its mental components." Let me translate, hippie: yoga is basically just stretching, but in a room full of people who get on your nerves.
  • ITEM THE SECOND: Vitamins. For scrubs? For sure. Hit these GNC motherfuckers with some hardcore knowledge, WSJ: "A succession of large-scale human studies, including two published earlier this month in leading medical journals, suggests that multivitamins and many other dietary supplements often don't have health benefits-and in some cases may even cause harm." Unless you're some pitifully malnourished yoga person, vitamins are a waste of time and money.
  • ITEM THE THIRD: Sitting in front of a screen all day every day is so bad for you that it doesn't even matter what else you do, it will kill you anyhow. Whoops.

So in conclusion, given the fact that we all sit around in front of screens all day, we might as well just give up. There's nothing to be done. I guess we could all adopt more active lifestyles. But even in that case, yoga and vitamins wouldn't help. So fuck those things either way.

Don't waste your time with anything less than the best.

[Photo via lululemon athletica/Flickr]