Big Court Win for Italian Men Who Act Like They Have Vaginas
Men the world over are infamous for having balls—although testes, being considerably smaller than breasts and also much less adept at producing breast milk, are often overshadowed by bazoongas in lists of favorite sexual organs.
Despite the testicle's second class status, Italy's highest appeals court has just made it a fine-able offense to tell a man, "You don't have the balls."
The exact value of the fine has not yet been decided, though 80085 in Italian Money would give everyone a great chuckle because it looks like "BOOBS" on a calculator.
The ruling came about after two cousins (one a lawyer, one a Justice of the Peace, both assholes) erupted into name calling in the midst of a fight at a public courthouse.
For the record: it was the lawyer who was accused of not having balls.
Judges initially ruled that it was a crime for a person to accuse a man of being A Ball-less Wonder, not because such a slur questions his ability to sire offspring, but because it implies he lacks all the intangible things that make men so wonderful. Things like:
"determination, competence and consistence – virtues which, rightly or wrongly, continue to be regarded as suggestive of the male sex."
You know. Just boy-stuff.
The Justice of the Peace, who sounds like a real dick, protested the ruling. An appeals court found it in his favor, writing that the accusation was not offensive because it had been hurled "in the context of a family dispute."
As we have learned from the cast of Jersey Shore, who are "like a family heuh," absolutely no insult, physical combat move, or aggressive destruction of personal property is off-limits in a family dispute.
However, the lawyer, who doth protest too much for someone who is not missing one or both or dozens of balls, brought the case to Rome, where it was determined, once and for all, that the insult was unacceptable on the grounds it implies "'You are worth less than other men.'"
The Guardian reports that something like "Don't break my balls" (or its Italian equivalent Don't-a break-a my balls-a) is still fine.
