The Saddest Sad Faces in the World: A Janna Ryan Election Night Mosaic

Janna Ryan's husband Paul didn't get the big promotion he was after last night, and boy did it show on her face; she looked like the most miserable person in the world when she went up to hug Ann and Mitt on stage after Romney conceded the race. More »

Ole Miss Students Are None Too Pleased About Our Black President

Plenty of people are upset Mitt Romney lost. Many of those enraged are millionaires and religious zealots. But there is another group—a group of University of Mississippi students—who are angry as well. Last night they gathered on campus to protest the re-election of a black president. More »

Did College Education Zombie Brainwashing Secure Obama's Victory?

Many theories have already been bandied about for why Barack Obama secured his reelection last night. But what of our national system of liberal zombification centers? More »

Okay, Fess Up, Which One of You Jokers Voted for Pink Diva Candidate Mindy Meyer?

Mindy Meyer, the Flatbush law student with the very pink Web site will not, for now, be a New York State Senator. In yesterday's election, the 22-year-old with dashed pink-elephant toenail dreams received only 2.86% percent of the vote. More »

Here's Video Evidence of Why Everyone Thought Diane Sawyer Was Shitfaced On Air Last Night

Diane Sawyer was definitely probably drunk tonight during ABC's election coverage. Would you agree? Not convinced yet? She slurred every other word, rambled about the lack of music, and asked a correspondent if the exclamation point in the Obama slogan represented the direction he truly wanted to go with his presidency. More »

America's Chief Wizard Nate Silver Had the Best Election Night of Anybody and Here's Why: a Guide

Did you know Obama was going to win last night? If you read Nate Silver, the NYT political blogger and statistical geek, you did. If you don't read Silver, though, you're probably wondering who the hell he is and why everyone is talking about him. More »

Brian Williams on Donald Trump Last Night: ‘Well. That Happened.'

Brian Williams thinks Donald Trump has "driven well past the last exit to relevance." He thinks he is "irresponsible." Brian Williams was not amused by Donald Trump's unraveled tweeting. More »

Obama's Number 1 Fan, Beyoncé, Has a Message for Romney Supporters

Beyoncé wrote this line down in her fave notebook nine days ago and has been keeping it tucked safely in her pocketbook ever since, not even letting Jay-Z see it because he might wrinkle the paper with his big hands (probably). More »

‘I can't stop crying. America died': Donald Trump and Victoria Jackson Melt Down on Twitter

While most of us are celebrating Mitt Romney's defeat in the streets by legally smoking marijuana and gay-marrying randomly-chosen passers-by, not everyone is quite so happy. And thanks to Twitter, we know about it. More »