Military Dolphins with Frickin' Guns Attached to Their Heads Have Gone Missing in the Black Sea
Ukraine's navy has reportedly put out an APB for three dolphins that have gone missing in the Black Sea of the coast of Crimea.
Oh, did I mention these are military dolphins who have been trained to kill enemy divers and may have had firearms and knives strapped to their bodies at the time of their escape?
Well, allegedly anyway.
Experts believe the three bulls had likely fallen under the spell of nearby females, and were driven away from the training grounds by their biological urges.
A document provided to a local media outlet by an anonymous source appears to show the dolphins had a special firearms "kit" attached to their heads at the time, but both the Ukrainian Navy and the State Oceanarium have denied this claim.
The Russian International News Agency (or RIA Novosti) has countered the officials' denial by noting that the same officials previously denied the revival of a Soviet-era military program aimed at training dolphins to disarm mines and eliminate waterborne enemies of the State with extreme prejudice.
Either way, as Justin Gregg the Dolphin Scientist Guy says, "if you are planning a family holiday to the Black Sea this week...it's best you avoid any 'friendly' dolphins that might approach – especially if they have KNIVES or PISTOLS strapped to their heads."
