90sFest Is Here to Help Brooklyn Babies Forget Inevitability of Death
Remember the ‘90s? When you were an innocent incorruptible babe, hermetically sealed from the ills of the world around you, and your mom dragged you to that outdoor John Cougar Mellencamp concert because she couldn’t find a babysitter? And she got a little drunker than she meant to and tried to get you to climb on the picnic table and dance with her like This song has a great beat! but you didn’t want to like Ugh, come ON mom? Now you’re the mom. Congratulations, mom.
Billboard reports that on September 12, the fully immersive youth-oriented branding and entertainment experience known as Williamsburg, Brooklyn, will host the inaugural 90sFest—a nine-hour concert featuring performances by “Coolio, Lisa Loeb, Naughty By Nature, Smash Mouth, Tonic, the surviving members of Blind Melon and New York cover band Saved by the 90s with the Bayside Tigers.”
And guess who’s hosting—Pauly Shore? [Extremely annoying buzzer sound] WRONG!
While you think about it, remember this?
Wazzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?
(Budweiser, 1999)
Nice.
OK, do you have your guess ready?
Siiiiiiiiike. Pauly Shore is hosting!
When our parents were children, they played in the driveway, pretending they were Dr. J or Walt Frazier, dreaming of basketball stardom but secretly resigning themselves to the notion that professional athletics wouldn’t be a viable career option for them. We grew up screenshotting secondhand memes from one social media platform and publishing them to another, wondering Is this a viable career option for anyone at all?
It turns out that yes! Famous Instagram aggregator @fuckjerry will make an appearance at 90sFest, for which he will presumably be paid some amount of money:
Other planned activities include giveaways from Seinfeld-inspired Instagram personality F*ckJerry, a 90s-themed bedroom hosted by social media star Betches, a Nintendo Mario Kart tournament and an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest “Macarena” dance ever. Teases producer Marc Weinstein of Leuven Media, “now that Pepsi has teased Crystal Pepsi may be coming back , we may be able to offer Crystal Pepsi-based cocktails to our guests in VIP as well.”
Someday, in the not too distant future, every person you’ve ever loved will be dead and every brand with which you’ve ever identified will be forgotten, or maybe your friends will die but the brands will live on. Come in your best ’90s attire. Tickets available now.
