A Vote for Ted Cruz Is a Vote for Dildo America

Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz has been doing quite a lot of dildo talk these days.

It all began in 2007, when Cruz, then Texas solicitor general, pushed an appellate court to a acknowledge the Texas Penal Code, which “prohibits the advertisement and sale of dildos, artificial vaginas, and other obscene devices.” The so-called “dildo ban” made waves on Friday, with critics demanding to know: Is Cruz’s dream for America a dildo-less wasteland?

Thankfully, Cruz stepped in to amend his dildo history, telling WABC radio host Curtis Sliwa that he will not ban dildos and other sexual toys if elected.

Cruz explained:

“Look, of course not, it’s a ridiculous question, and of course not. What people do in their own private time with themselves is their own business and it’s none of government’s business.”

There you have it folks: a vote for Ted Cruz is a vote for an America brimming to the top with dildos.