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Bruce Jenner came out as a woman Friday night, confirming months of gender identity speculation.

Jenner sat down with Diane Sawyer for the two-hour special—the first time Jenner has discussed the topic publicly.

“So Bruce Jenner is?” Sawyer finally asks.

The answer, of course, is complicated but Jenner puts it thusly:

God’s looking down, making little Bruce. He’s looking down and he says, “Okay, what are we going to do with this one?” Make him a smart kid, very determined, and he gave me all these wonderful qualities. And then at the end when he’s just finishing, he goes, “Wait a second, we gotta give him something. Everybody has stuff in their life that they have to deal with, what are we going to give him?” And God looks down and chuckles a bit and goes, “Hey let’s give him the soul of a female and let’s see how he deals with that.”

So here I am stuck, and I hate that word a girl stuck in a guy’s body. I hate that terminology. I’m me. I’m me. I’m a person. This is who I am. I’m not stuck in anybody’s body, it’s just who I am as a human being. My brain is much more female than it is male. It’s hard for people to understand that but that’s what my soul is.

I look at it this way. Bruce always telling a lie. He’s lived a lie his whole life about who he is. And I can’t do that any longer.

Jenner tells Sawyer it was hard to say out loud, largely because “I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

During the broadcast, Jenner says “I considered suicide” but ultimately thought, “I can’t do this. I have to see how this story ends.”

The two-hour interview also delves deeper into Jenner’s childhood, past relationships and sexual identity—Jenner tells Sawyer she always felt this way, had always been interested in women and had a good sexual relationship with Kris Jenner before their divorce last year.