Gilberto "Cannibal Cop" Valle beat his conviction for conspiring to kidnap, rape, kill, and eat women last summer—and he's ready to get back into the dating scene. The New York Post found his apparent Match.com profile, in which the former NYPD officer seeks the loving companionship of a woman who is "non-judgmental" and "a little kinky ;)"

If you are a woman aged 24–32 and are able to compartmentalize the unsettling imagery evoked by Valle's deepest fetish desires (like roasting you over a fire), then fire up Match.com and search for his username, "AmicableOne14" and be willing to "appreciate the simple things" and "make the best out of a situation that is less than ideal." (He's under supervised release with a curfew.)

Valle notes in his profile that he drinks an "abnormal amount of coffee" and that his "favorite chain coffee is Dunkin' Donuts." Also: he's a "big foodie."

Other brags he has on his profile, should your interest in this man somehow persist:

  • "I have a few bucket list items: a cross-country drive along with other traveling, seeing Jerry Seinfeld do stand-up, going to a live Hell's Kitchen dinner service"
  • "Occasionally I just need a day indoors by myself and that usually entails enjoying a glass of bourbon on the rocks"
  • He has a dog
  • He wears turtlenecks
  • He grins
  • He holds babies
  • "I know more about baseball than all of your guy friends"
  • "I'm also seriously good at tweeting"

The Post confronted Valle about the profile. He seemed embarrassed:

Valle wanted no part of discussing his romantic pursuits on Tuesday. "A what? A dating profile? No, I'm sorry. I don't know anything about it," he told The Post.

When shown a screenshot of the profile, he blurted, "I don't want to see it, thanks," and hurried inside his home.

"I am spending my energy rebounding from the errors I made in my past and rebuilding my life," the profile reads. "Things are progressing very well on that front, and I am just beginning a new career."

Do not date this man.

Update, 01/22/14: Valle will have to look for love in another hopeless place—Match.com took down his profile after receiving complaints. :(

[Images via New York Post]