Break With Harry Styles Has Been “Difficult” for Olivia Wilde? OK — Get in Line

This just in — taking a break from her relationship with genderqueer Skittles target Harry Styles has been “difficult” for Olivia Wilde.

Uh-huh. Is that so? Has it been “difficult” for you, Olivia Wilde? Because, you wanna know how it’s been for us? It has COMPLETELY RUINED OUR LIVES!!!!!! OUR EVERY WAKING MOMENT!!!!!!!!! WE HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO PREPARE FOR THANKSGIVING BECAUSE WE HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO STOP SCREAMING!!!!! FOR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! OUR FAMILIES ARE GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wilde and Styles announced they’d be entering their Friends stage (“we were on a break”) last Friday. It would have been nice if they’d at least let us get through the holiday without destroying the apparent house of cards upon which we had built our will to live, however I suppose it’s always best to exist in one’s truth. The news today comes from a source close to Wilde, who told People, "The break has been difficult for Olivia.” Oh — I bet. “They have had some issues, but Olivia thought they were gonna work through it all. She is disappointed. It's just a tricky situation, though."

Disappointed, huh? That’s funny. That’s actually hilarious, because, you know, I would kill to be disappointed. I would destroy everything I cared about, pull it limb from limb, dance in its blood and eat its bones to feel the comfort and ease of “disappointment” in this moment.

Hey Olivia Wilde, you wanna know how I feel about Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles, my favorite real couple that I believed in fully from day one and loved every single moment of, taking a break? You wanna know how I feel that I won’t be able to see any more photos of Olivia Wilde dancing at a Harry Styles concert, or the two of them outside wearing a mask and a sweater? I feel fucking crushed. I feel sick. Like a muddy rubber boot thrown onto a bunch of dying embers: disgusting, stinking, and melting (very slowly). I feel fucking bad, man. I feel fucking bad.